Make Happy Page #2

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? To be a straight white man ?

? The churches never made me

Feel ashamed of who I am ?

? But I get emails from Zappos

That Gmail doesn't mark as spam ?

? My country's constitution

Was handwritten by my race ?

? But my wife bought me

The brand new iPhone ?

? With an iPod Touch's case ?

Case doesn't fit that phone.

? Straight white man ?

? I know the road looks tough ahead ?

? The women want rights ?

? The blacks want

Not to be called "the blacks" ?

Sorry.

? Can't you just leave us alone? ?

? Also, "no" to the things you asked for ?

? No ?

? Straight white man ?

? I know the road looks tough ahead ?

? The women want rights ?

? The African Amer- ?

? We used to have all the money and land ?

? And we still do

But it's not as fun now ?

Thank you.

If you were offended by that,

it was ironic.

Isn't that fun?

I meant the whole opposite of it.

White guys, it's easy to be a white guy.

Yeah!

Yeah, white guy, we deserve a...

cheer once in a while.

Very easy to be a white guy.

Very easy.

But white guys get a lot of sh*t

and it's not fair,

'cause we've done

a lot of things, you know?

We invented a lot of stuff.

White guys invented everything

but peanut butter, I believe.

That's what I was taught in school.

Everything but peanut butter.

Doesn't sound right,

but the American educational system

having a racial bias?

No way, Joseph.

Guys, white... white people

are a little uncomfortable.

We'll do a racial joke

about the white people

so you don't feel uncomfortable.

White people,

we like the same foods.

Favorite sandwich,

peanut butter and...

- Jelly!

- ... jelly.

- Macaroni and...

- Cheese!

Our favorite chips,

salt and vi...

- ... negar!

- Wow!

Who said it?

Get the cameras on them.

Your grandkids are gonna see this,

know what a bigot

their grandfather or grandmother were.

Every non-white person,

see who said that,

find them after the show.

Put the lights down.

Their faces creep me out.

Guys, I'm not "perfect," okay?

I don't "use air quotes correctly,"

all right?

But I am against double standards

across the board.

Why is it...

that when a woman

wears revealing clothing,

she's labeled a slut,

yet if I were to wear

her skin as a jacket,

I'm a murderer?

What?

If I f*** a kid,

I'm a pedophile,

but if a kid fucks me,

I'm the pedophile again?

Twice in a week?

What is this?

Hey, Bo.

Do you want to sing a song with us?

- Great!

- That's all right.

- You'll figure it out.

- ? Hey, Bo, guess what? ?

- ? You're a f*ggot ?

Wasn't clever, it was just mean.

Bigoted.

I apologize for that.

So I was interrupted the other day

while my-

Hey, Bo.

- You want to sing another song together?

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