Maggie's Plan Page #2

to work full-time.

- Why won't he?

- I don't know.

I think it has something to do with his wife.

Apparently, she's some sort of monster.

- Where did you hear this?

- Around.

You know, she's got tenure at Columbia.

Georgette Nrgaard.

The words "glacial" and "terrifying"

have been bandied about.

Then again, I have heard myself

described as a psychotic b*tch,

but I think I'm actually pretty nice.

So you can't believe everything you hear.

If you say, "She's, like, terrified,"

it's not nearly as strong as saying,

"She's terrified."

"Like" is a language condom.

Trust me.

Where the f*** is my chicken?

Hardin!

Oh, hi!

What are you doing?

I'm just taking a little constitutional

before my next meeting.

- Did you ever get paid?

- No.

Oh, you're kidding.

Yeah, Beverly says the check's in the mail.

- Can I join you?

- Sure.

I knew this Maasai from Tanzania.

He was here to run in a marathon.

He took everything about New York City

in complete stride.

Nothing fazed him

until he saw a grown man following his dog

and picking up his sh*t.

He started laughing so hard, he wept.

I suppose that custom could seem strange,

like, out of context.

What was that?

Uh, I overheard your conversation about

how "like" is a language prophylactic.

Ah, yeah.

What is ficto-critical

anthropology, anyway?

Well, it is a way

of writing about anthropology

that blends ethnographic observation,

storytelling,

and, like, theory.

Do we have to walk in the circle,

or can we walk around the park?

We can walk.

It's so hard to find a full-time position.

My wife, Georgette,

has a tenured position at Columbia,

so I'm just using the time

to teach a few classes

and try to write this novel that

I've had in my head for the last few years.

Oh, are you getting a lot of work done

on the novel?

They say every relationship

has a gardener and a rose.

Georgette is definitely the rose.

- And you're the gardener.

- And I don't have a green thumb.

- Maybe you're a rose in disguise.

- It'd be a very good disguise.

And, I mean, she's wonderful.

It's just she's kind of destroying my life.

No, I mean, this has

been a bad week, and...

Content with Hermia?

- It's turning into a nice day.

- Yeah.

I do repent of the tedious minutes

that I with her have spent.

Not Hermia, but Helena I love.

Who would not change a raven for a dove?

Thanks, man.

We have two of those.

It's the best part of my life.

- Who's the guy?

- No guy.

Well, actually,

the man I've asked to be the father

is named "Guy," coincidentally.

Mmm.

- You eat like Mr. Fox!

- Who?

The Roald Dahl book. The movie.

- Oh, my kids love that movie.

- Yeah.

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