Lower Learning Page #2

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gonna sit here again

and watch you mope

about your divorce?

(teacher muttering)

You know what, Frankie?

Why don't you go

f*** yourself?

Yeah, Sarah.

Why is Mr. Buchwald

sleeping in the gym?

You like questions, Sarah?

Yeah? Try this one.

How do you think you're gonna

make it to third grade

when you fill out your times tables

like a drunk retard?

Mm,

you know,

when my uncle was my age

he walked in on Aunt Sis

screwing the tub-and-tile repairman.

You know what he did?

He hitchhiked all the way

from Sioux City, Iowa,

to Annapolis, Maryland,

in one day.

He dove into the Chesapeake

and he just swam straight out.

He just swam

and he swam and he swam.

Next day the Coast Guard

found his body bobbing in the Atlantic.

You think you kids

got some problems?

Your favorite Saturday-morning

cartoon

is preempted by figure skating?

You try to fart and you get

a little poop in your pants?

Give me a break.

Try marriage.

Yeah, Sarah, what?

Can I go to the bathroom?

Sweetie, you can go home

for all I care.

Okay.

Sarah:
Bye.

Whatever.

(door closes)

Don't get lazy, Walter.

I'd go with the nine iron if I were you.

Shut up, Walter.

You're not a real caddy.

(phone line ringing)

(cell phone ringing)

Is everything in place, Maurice?

Like a jigsaw puzzle, my brother.

And you're absolutely sure

they'll shut us down?

Yeah, you got my vote

of no-confidentio

and the inspector's report

which will be nothing short of God-awful.

I'd say the coffin is all but shut

on your pathetic excuse

for a school.

Yes, sir, our master plan

is gonna make

your parental kickbacks

look like peanuts.

What about

Chairwoman Parpadelle?

Why don't we burn that bridge

when we get to it?

Don't sweat it.

She's rolling by later

and she's the easiest bribe

in the district, brohan.

Good work, Maurice.

Thanks, man.

Gotta tell you,

in no time we're gonna be

hanging out

in f***ing Surinam

snorting blow

off a walrus's cock.

Hey,

you want to get beer later

or something?

We could get, like,

a cocktail.

Billings:
What do you think, Maurice?

No.

Later.

You're my only friend.

(snorts)

Harper.

Uh, excuse me, Harper.

Hey, you... you have time

for a chat?

It has to do

with an inspection later.

Come with me.

What do you know?

Nothing.

Same with the faculty.

We're all in the dark.

Here's your brunch, sir.

A hard-boiled egg?

No, I'm good.

It's for the greater good

that no one knows,

including you, Tommy.

Yeah, but I'm the vice principal.

I mean, this is something

I should be let in on.

It's a public elementary school, Tom,

not some third-rate Montessori.

Things get hairy

when there are too many chiefs

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