Louis C.K. - Live at the Beacon Theater Page #6
- Year:
- 2011
- 63 min
- 397 Views
are from another planet
because when we came to
America, it was so nice.
It was just Indians.
And they weren't even Indians.
We called them that by accident.
And we still call them that.
We knew in a month
that it wasn't Indians
but we just don't give a sh*t.
We came here.
They're like, "Hi."
And we're like,
"Hey, you're Indians, right?"
And they're like, "No."
"No, this is India, right?"
"No, it's not. It's a totally other place."
"You're not Indians?"
"No."
"Ahh, you're Indians."
"You're Indians for hundreds
of years after."
We ruined everything here.
This was the great--
It was just coast-to-coast
green, brown and beautiful.
And all the humans were
just walking around
with painted faces,
just walking.
And they'd be like,
"Oh, that looks yummy."
And they'd just eat from the ground.
And then they'd sleep on the grass.
And they'd wake up and they'd f***.
And then they'd go for a swim
and do a little dance.
That was the whole continent,
Mexico cutting off kids' heads
and rolling them down
the pyramid stairs.
But that's--
I mean...
You know--
You can't do a whole
lot about that.
But I think we came
from another planet
and the reason is we
don't like it here.
Why, if we're from here,
if we belong on Earth,
why aren't we comfortable
on Earth, at all?
We need nice smooth surfaces
need it to be cool
and not too hot, just a
little dit-dit just perfect.
Why wouldn't, when it's hot,
why wouldn't we just--
"Yeah, f*** it."
Why wouldn't we be like
that if we belonged here?
And it's weird because
people that are--
You know, there's
environmentalists
and there's people who
just hate environmentalists.
People get angry
at environmentalists
because they think they're
slowing down the economy
and creating restrictions and a lot
of these people are Christian.
very devout Christians
and that's such a
confusing thing to me,
that if you believe that
God gave you the Earth,
that God created Earth for you,
why would you not
have to look after it?
Why the f***--
Why would you not think that when
he came back he wouldn't go,
"What the f*** did you do?"
"I gave this to you, motherf***er.
Are you crazy?"
"What did you do to the polar bears?"
"Did you sh*t all over
every polar bear?"
"What did you--who did this?
Who spilled this sh*t?
Who spilled this?"
"Come over here. Did you
f***ing spill this? What is that?"
"It's oil. It's just some oil.
I didn't mean to spill--"
"Well why did you take it
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Submitted on August 05, 2018
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"Louis C.K. - Live at the Beacon Theater" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 19 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/louis_c.k._-_live_at_the_beacon_theater_12883>.
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