Louis C.K. - Live at the Beacon Theater Page #5

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But see, this is a

terrible realization

because you should act in a way

that if everybody acted that

way things would work out.

You should, because it would be

mayhem if everybody was like that.

And most people kind of don't care.

Most people are very selfish.

Most people don't give

a sh*t what happens

as long as they get to

do their favorite thing.

People don't even want to back

off from their favorite thing.

They won't even do their

second favorite thing.

You ever seen somebody in trouble,

like they're at an intersection

and they want to make a left,

but they're in the right--

the all the way right lane

because they messed up.

So, here's the guy.

He's in the right lane.

And there's a lot cars,

like 6th avenue.

A lot of cars.

And he wants to make that left.

So what does he do?

He just does it anyway.

He just goes at it.

He just shoves his car

through everybody's life

without any--

And everybody's honking and

outraged and you always

see they guy go,

"I have to. I have to."

"There's no other possible

thing I could do."

"What else could I do, except

go up one more block

and then go left and

take four seconds."

"That's not my favorite way, though!"

"That only meets 99% of my criteria."

But I'm selfish.

I would like to be a better person,

because I have kids.

And I want to pass on a better--

Sometimes it's not clear what

the right thing is to do.

One time I threw a candy

wrapper on the street.

I didn't do it like, "Yeah!"

I just--

Yeah, take that sh*t, street.

I did it because I was shaking.

I wanted the candy.

Anyway, I was with a friend

who said to me, "You just littered

on the street. Don't you care

about the environment?"

And I thought about it and I said,

You know what, this

isn't 'The Environment'.

This is New York City.

This is not 'The Environment'.

This is where people live.

New York City is not the environment.

New York City is a giant piece of litter.

It's the giantest, next to Mexico

City, the shittiest piece of litter

in the world.

Just a p*ssy, runny, smoking,

stinking piece of litter.

So if you have a piece of litter,

what are you supposed

to do with it?

You should throw it

on the pile of litter.

Because if you don't,

if you put it in a receptacle

then it gets collected and

it gets taken to a dump

and a landfill and then

it goes on a boat.

And it goes out and gets

dumped in the ocean and

some dolphin wears it

as a hat on its face

for ten years, this hat that

never dissolves, on its face.

Ugh.

Jesus.

[dolphin clicking]

Everything that we introduce

to the world is shitty...

...meaning white people.

Because--

I really think that white people

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