Louis C.K. : Oh My God Page #2

On top of everything else.

Imagine if we were

in the food chain.

It would just be another thing

you gotta deal with.

You're already having a bad day.

You wake in up in the morning.

You're making breakfast.

You burn your toast,

and it's too late to try again,

And your kid comes in and says,

"beh," and you're like, "fine,"

And it's just, "why?"

You get a thing in the mail

That says that

your phone's different,

And your mortgage

is another company now.

What? I don't get it!

Then you're walking to work

like, "why do I even bother?

"sh*t! Goddamn it!

"there's always f***ing cheetahs

at the train station!

Stop it!"

You think that sharks--

Do you think that sharks

would be embarrassed

If they knew that we could all

see their fins

Sticking out

the top of the water?

I think they'd be bummed

'cause I don't think sharks

are aware of that at all.

I think sharks think

they're slick.

They swim around like,

"hey, nobody has any idea

what's down here,"

And we're all up here like,

"there's totally a shark

right there."

It wouldn't be fun

being a predator, either.

If you're a predator, imagine

if every time you're hungry,

You gotta chase a guy

Who's running for his life.

You gotta-- "come on, dude!

Sh*t, get over here!"

And just hold him down

and bite his neck

Till he shuts the f*** up

for a minute

So you can just sit there

and eat his stomach

Before you go to work.

That would really suck.

That's why animals just--

They go, "let's do this

together, man.

"you chase the parents away.

I am gonna eat the kid,

and you circle back."

That's why they do it like that.

"f*** it. I'm eating babies.

This is bullshit."

"grownups ain't worth

the meat."

Whoops, all right.

All right.

sh*t.

Goddamn it.

Idiot.

This isn't a gay voice,

by the way.

It's not.

Shut up.

yeah.

I live in new york city,

and it's ok there.

I live in a nice building.

I never lived

in a nice place before.

When I was growing up,

I had no money.

I mean, my mom didn't.

Didn't matter. I was a child.

But I'm not used to it

'cause it's nice.

There's, like,

a pretty courtyard

With flowers and a fountain

with little marble boys pissing.

I don't know.

What is it with fountains?

Like, all fountain sculptors

are pedophiles, basically.

You can't get a fountain

made without--

"can you make me a fountain?"

"yes, I'll get started

right away!

"Yes!

Yes!

It's finished!"

And it's just little boys

pissing on the face

Of a greek god

that looks like him a lot.

"just piss on me forever!"

Anyway, there's one of those

in the courtyard of my building,

And my first week in

the building about a year ago,

I went down to the courtyard

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