Louis C.K.: Live at the Comedy Store Page #2
- Year:
- 2015
- 66 min
- 828 Views
piss-drinkin' toilet!
Dumb b*tch, toilet!
You ain't intelligent.
You ain't even been outside.
to sh*t in your face.
Got piss on your lips.
You ain't even special.
I pissed in three toilets today.
You ain't sh*t.
That's terrible.
That's awful.
But that's how my dad
treated his toilet,
It's a shame.
So that's the noise
I make when I pee.
And, uh, some of you
might be wondering-
None of you are wondering...
...what noise do I make
when I come.
So this is the noise
I make when I come.
I just go...
It is done!
It's a whole thing with clouds
and lightning and crows.
The circle is complete!
It's kind of intense.
And there's a little witch
with white eyes going,
"And a child will be born!"
I don't know.
One time I was
having sex with a woman,
it was our first time
having sex.
Also turned out to be
our last time, but I wasn't-
Didn't know that at the-
Anyway, I was getting-
I was gonna come soon,
so I felt like talking
about it, and...
But I didn't know her very well.
So it came out weird,
I said, "Oh, I'm cooming."
She's like, "What did you say?"
'Cause I was back there.
That's why.
That's why
she had to go like this.
"What'd you say?
What was that back there, chief?
What was that?"
'Cause I'm always back there.
That's a-that's a weird thing
to brag about.
Every time.
So they don't see me crying.
with a woman from behind
'cause you don't know
what's going on the whole time
and you get kinda paranoid.
The whole time,
she might be like...
I was on the subway in New York.
This isn't another sex story.
This is a traveling story.
Are you ready?
So I'm on the subway
and I'm standing there-
I wasn't holding anything,
I just like to stand like this.
I'm standing there.
I walk around the city
like this.
Hi.
from behind me over here,
I hear this. I hear...
And I was like, whew, okay.
It's a crazy person.
I mean, it's not a big surprise
in New York.
Then I heard it again.
I was like,
all right, I wanna see,
I just wanna take a look.
So I look over and
it's not what I expected.
It wasn't a big homeless guy
with two sets of headphones
that don't work
or anything like that.
It was a...
A young woman,
she looked like she was about 21
and she's standing there,
she's very, kinda nice-
Properly dressed.
She was very, like,
Michigan-y or something.
Very suburban-y, Michigan-y
kinda thing.
And she's standing there
with her ponytail,
and then all of a sudden,
she goes...
La-la la-la-la la-la!"
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"Louis C.K.: Live at the Comedy Store" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 18 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/louis_c.k.:_live_at_the_comedy_store_12887>.
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