Lolita Page #2

---

(groaning)

(door slams)

Dolores:

I'm sweet on you.

I could be a dancer.

That's a major option.

'Cause I do have a natural grace.

You know, a kind of sad beauty.

Sort of "sad", is right.

Humbert:

I'd like to see you dance sometime.

Charlotte:

Little girls always want to be ballerinas, don't they?

I know I did.

But I was, how shall I put it... a tad too plump?

Is that the right word?

Humbert:

Yes.

Charlotte:

I'll get more wine.

Dolores:

Make her take us to Hourglass Lake tomorrow.

Humbert:

Me?

Dolores:

Mmm-hmm.

She'll do anything you say. She's getting a thing about you.

Charlotte:

Whisper, whisper...

what are you two so cozy about?

Humbert:

Did I ever tell you both that...

I was once a...

That I was once a...

Uh...

that I was once a cook in the North Pole?

Dolores:

A cook?

Humbert:

Well, not actually a cook.

I opened a few cans.

It was a weather expedition.

And I shot a polar bear.

Charlotte:

No!

Humbert:

Well, I didn't hit it, but...

Dolores:

Why did you shoot a polar bear? That's a lousy thing to do.

Humbert:

Because I found it... with its face, listen to this...

in the ice cream mixer.

I couldn't possibly let that pass, because we lived on ice cream.

Charlotte:

You are out of your gourd, Humbie.

Will you stop fidgeting with the doll?

And now we all think that Lo should go to bed.

Lo...

Dolores:

What do you mean "we", paleface?

Humbert:

So, anyway, as I was saying, there I was...

with my white polar bear gun...

to blend in, you know?

(phone ringing)

Dolores:

It's for me!

Hello? No, I'm sorry, she's busy.

Charlotte:

I hope you'll forgive her bad manners.

(music playing)

Charlotte:

Now what?!

Dolores:

Look, it's my modern dance creation!

Charlotte:

Dolores Haze, turn that music down!

She's an absolute pest...

just slap her hard if she interferes with your meditations.

Psst...

Hum...

do you know that I have one most ambitious dream?

To get ahold of a real trained maid...

like that German girl that the Talbots spoke of?

And have her live in the house.

Humbert:

No room.

Charlotte:

Oh, cherie, cherie...

you underestimate the possibilities of our humble household.

We would put her in Lo's room.

I intended to turn that hole into a guest room anyway.

Humbert:

Where would Lo sleep?

Charlotte:

Little Lo, I'm afraid, does not enter the picture at all...

little Lo goes straight from camp to a good boarding school...

with strict discipline and some sound religious training.

Dolores:

I won't go!

Charlotte:

I want all of these name tags sewn on your clothes by tomorrow.

Dolores:

I don't want to go.

Charlotte:

I don't believe I asked your opinion, Dolores!

Dolores:

I don't wanna go, and you can't make me.

Charlotte:

Look, we all think it's a good idea...

Professor Humbert thinks it's a good idea...

I think it's a good idea, and you are going!!

Dolores:

Double-crosser!

Humbert:

Ow!

Charlotte:

I asked you to put that suitcase in the car an hour ago...

Louise, thank you so much for helping the poor child.

Goddamnit! Dolores, I told you to put this lunch basket in the back seat!

Didn't I?

Dolores:

Why do you tell me to do everything?

Charlotte:

Louise, Brussels sprouts and meat loaf for dinner.

Louise:

All right, drive careful.

Charlotte:

Thank you. Let's go.

Louise:

(To Dolores)Bye, my baby, you be good.

Dolores:

Bye, Louise.

I'll miss you...

Charlotte:

Ahhhgh!

Dolores, let's go!

Louise:

You be sweet, my baby.

Charlotte:

Speed it up.

Get in the car!

Now what?

(Dolores runs back into house and upstairs to Humbert, she embraces then kisses him and leaves)

Charlotte:

That child!

Louise, maybe tenderloin.

Louise:

That'd be good.

Charlotte:

Rate this script:4.7 / 3 votes