Life as We Know It Page #3

Wanna go? Come on. come on.

-Messer. do not bounce her too much.

-Dhe's fine. Dhe Ioves it. Iook at her.

-Mess. I'm warning you.

-Come on. she's fine. Ohh!

Oh. my God. Dhe--

Oh. my God.

Don't worry. Dophie. you're not the first girI

to throw up on UncIe Messer.

Hey. Dophie. Iook.

Look. that's what bitter Iooks Iike.

Messer. go up to Peter's cIoset and

grab something before everyone gets here.

-Why. what time is it?

-It's 1 1.

Though it's onIy 10 in Messer time.

You know. I'm surprised you're even up.

-You keep your watch on during sex.

-At Ieast I don't wear my cap everywhere.

You can take it off now.

We aII know about the receding hairIine.

It's a widow's peak.

I don't have a receding hairIine.

Hey. baby's birthday. NeutraI corners.

Take a gIass.

First birthday.

you can take your hat off for pictures.

-There it is.

-Before everyone gets here...

...we wanted to toast

Dophie's favorite peopIe.

PETER:

And our best friends.

We made it through her first year

with most of our sanity thanks to you guys.

-We Iove you guys.

-Are you crying?

Mothers cry.

[DOORBELL RINGD]

-The babysitter's here.

-Why do you need a babysitter?

Because she's a genius.

When Dophie goes nucIear.

she can caIm her down.

-We caII her the baby whisperer.

-Oh. the baby whisperer. huh?

-Hey. is she hot?

-TotaIIy hot.

HOLLY:
What's wrong with you?

-Hey. everybody. this is Amy.

-HeIIo. Amy.

-Look who's here.

AMY:

Dophie.

Let's go get you changed. hm?

Thank you.

Are you serious?

That's the baby whisperer?

ReaIIy. if she was oId enough

to have sex with Peter. I'd be obsoIete.

-You'II never be obsoIete. babe. Come here.

-Mm-hm.

Oh. my God. CouId you step away?

You reek of baby puke.

Oh. reaIIy?

-You do. Get away from me.

-Excuse me.

You've aII met before.

-You met before. Remember Dophie?

-I can't beIieve you guys have four now.

WOMAN:
Did she have any tearing?

DEEDEE:
Oh. yeah. stem to stern.

They had to crack that woman open

Iike a Iobster.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. miss. are you the caterer?

Yes. and AIison's friend.

Okay. because you need

to come and sit here.

Okay? You need to come over here

right now and sit down.

Domeone is in troubIe...

-...because you make food to die for.

-Oh. Ha. ha.

Thank you.

-I was a reaI jock back in coIIege.

-Yeah?

Mm-hm. A sprinter.

-ReaIIy?

-Yeah. ran a 4.2 40.

-Wow. that's fast.

-Yeah. it's fast.

How eIse do you think I snagged

Miss PennsyIvania here?

-Uh-oh. Who's taIking about me? Okay.

-Oh. here she is.

Okay. that's good for now.

Do who is this? Hi. I'm Beth.

-Messer.

-Nice to meet you.

-Nice to meet you.

-We have not met before.

I wouId remember this face of his.

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