Lies We Tell Page #3

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One, two, three...

bong's away!

[cheers and applause]

[engines revving]

[Amber]

Is he there?

Mm-hmm.

[speaks indistinctly]

Kiss him and I'll cut

your f***ing tongue out.

Only for you, bro.

[Donald] Why does he keep

looking at me?

Don't worry about him.

I know him.

[horns honking,

engines revving]

[honking fades]

You want me to take you

back to Bradford?

[metal clangs]

- Where's Pinoo?

- Whoa.

Not in front of the pig.

You know swine's haram.

Yo, Babylon!

I seen ya.

F***in' Babylon.

Call Pinoo.

Can you call

my brother, please?

You asking me a favor?

[cell phone chimes]

[KD] Gingey?

Pinoo. Get him.

Pinoo, bro. Go home.

Your mother.

[chuckles]

Okay, after you finish,

bro, okay?

Yeah.

Love you too, bro.

Pinoo know

how to show respect.

Do you want me to say thanks?

No.

Just kiss my little mouse.

He miss you.

Leave him!

Leave him!

[Amber shouting]

F***ing sh*t!

Get... stop it!

You all right, mate?

Where the f*** are you going?

You can't leave him like this.

Right, you park yourself

up there.

Point your f***ing eyes

in that direction.

You see any lights,

shout and run like f***.

You know what he's like.

Hey, imagine the headline.

"Sperm stealers." [laughs]

[sighs]

- [barking]

- Oh, for f***'s sake.

Cinders. Cinders!

[barking]

[Amber] Hello.

[chuckles]

[Billy] Cinders!

Now then, all right?

I... I... I need to speak

to Donald. Does he...

You want to talk to him?

What for?

Cinders, Cinders,

f***ing hell, get here.

One word from me, love,

and she just does

whatever she wants.

[whines]

You, uh...

sure you thinking

of the right Donald?

- Dopey twat with glasses?

- [line ringing]

[sighs] So you don't

work with Heather.

You don't work with him

You're obviously not related.

You're not a mate

of Amy's, are you?

I, um...

came to apologize.

We were cousins.

Oh.

He was my cousin.

We grew up together...

in the same house.

On my 16th birthday,

our parents took us

to Pakistan.

The second we landed...

they told us

we were getting married.

I didn't want to marry KD.

He didn't want to marry me.

But we knew...

we just knew there was no way

that we were getting back

to England unless we did.

So as best friends,

we made a deal.

We pretended to get married.

How... how do you pretend

to get married?

Haven't you ever said something

you didn't mean?

We said yes...

just so we could get

back home to Bradford.

But he changed his mind.

As far as the world

was concerned, I was his wife.

And he could do

whatever he wanted.

So I had two choices.

Kill myself...

or lie to get a divorce.

So what did you do?

I killed myself, Donald.

[chuckles]

No, I mean seriously.

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