Let's Kill Grandpa This Christmas Page #2

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It looks like he hasn't

cleaned this place in 20 years.

- It's a fixer-upper, I'll grant you that.

But you can't ignore

the comfy, cozy quality

of this bucolic beauty.

I mean, just think of the

dinner parties we'll have here.

All our friends coming up here to visit us

in this regal, A-frame chateau.

Now would you please give me

a little something-something

under this yuletide mistletoe, hm?

- Hello!

- Hey, Merry Christmas, Leigh.

- Hello, Leigh.

- Merry Christmas, Jen.

Aren't you festive in your

little holiday sweater,

you Christmasy thing, you.

- Not nearly as festive as you, Leigh.

- Well, just trying to bring holiday cheer

to the royals in their future castle.

- It's more of a dungeon.

- Hey, Merry Christmas, Carl.

- Merry Christmas.

- I'm glad you brought your horn.

- Yeah, I figured I'd

set the mood for romance

in front of the ladies later on.

- Nice, you gonna break

us out with some Kenny G?

I'm breaking your balls.

You look good, pal.

Hey, any word from Grandpa?

How's he doing?

- So the doctors just wanted

to run some last-minute tests

on his arrhythmia, but turns

out he's healthy as a lark,

God bless his soul.

- It's healthy as a horse.

- Whatever.

- Happy as a lark.

- What's a lark?

- It's a festive little woodland bird.

They grace the forest with

their graceful morning songs.

That's where the saying comes from.

I guess they're pretty

happy-go-lucky little creatures.

- You are just a plethora

of useless information,

aren't you, Carl?

Now would you tote the bags, please?

- Nothing wrong with having

an appreciation for nature

that I'm aware of.

- What?

So, anyway, uh,

I was thinking we should just

have the business conversation

up front, so it's not looming

over us all weekend long.

I know it's a little awkward

that Grandpa's giving us

the 2.2 million and you guys are getting

this really cute house.

But I was thinking, you know,

maybe we should just respect

his judgment and move on.

- We've moved on, Leigh.

- Oh great, we need to

get a Christmas tree up

in this house.

So, what's it like taking care of Ray?

- Ugh, he eats and shits like a gorilla.

It's like taking care of a zoo animal.

There, I said it, terrible.

- You're a saint, Jen.

- Mm-mm.

- It drives me to drink.

And don't even get me started on Brett.

- Why, what's wrong?

- He goes off at night to write.

God knows where he really goes.

- You don't think Brett's...

No way, what, with who?

- I don't wanna to think

about that, okay, Leigh?

- Okay.

If it makes you feel any better,

I thought Carl was cheating

on me a few years back.

- Carl would never cheat, you

have him on a choke chain.

- I'm telling you, I kept catching him

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