Let's Go to Prison Page #2

Synopsis: John Lyshitski is a car stealing slacker, with a weed problem, and has been in Illinois' Rossmore State Penitentiary so many times, he knows its entire population of both staff and cons by their first names. Cursed with the old ill luck of being in the wrong place, at the wrong time, in possession of the wrong car, he's been deemed a lost cause repeat offender in the eyes of everyone else. When the heartless judge, who has been behind most of his sentences, goes to the big court house in the sky, John decides to ruin the man's legacy by having the judge's only offspring, Nelson Biederman IV, thrown in the slammer along with him. Here, the world-class selfish jerk learns a certain old lesson the hard way: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. But has John gone too far in the payback department?
Genre: Comedy, Crime
Director(s): Bob Odenkirk
Production: Universal Pictures
 
IMDB:
6.0
Metacritic:
27
Rotten Tomatoes:
12%
R
Year:
2006
84 min
$5,525,320
Website
873 Views


my drive more beautiful

is worth doing.

That's why I,

Nelson Biederman IV,

in honor of my late father,

officially declare

Judge Nelson Biederman III

Park open.

(PEOPLE APPLAUDING)

DUANE:

Biederman Foundation.

Duane.

Oh, hello?

It's me, Nelson.

Who is this?

Nelson. Listen to me, Duane.

That is the last time

that I go to

one of those goddamn events

with Sergeant Barker.

Excuse me, who?

Sergeant Barker,

the dog that hates

crack and stuff.

Listen to me, Duane.

I'm gonna be in the office

in half an hour.

When I get there,

there better be a Fresca

waiting for me

and when I say Fresca,

I mean Fresca.

It better not be

a Fanta or a Sprite

or a Bubble Up or a 7Up.

I want it to be

a f***ing Fresca!

Do you understand me?

Yes, sir.

(MO VE THIS PLAYING

ON CAR STEREO)

(SINGING)

Oh my. Look at this.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(GASPING)

(GRUNTS)

(GLASS SMASHING)

(IN KOREAN)

(IN KOREAN)

Okay.

No! No!

(SCREAMS)

PHARMACIST:
We have no money.

(SIRENS WAILING)

JOHN:
Look at this.

Old Nelson IV's got his pinky

caught in the same machine

his daddy threw me into.

The boys in

the legal department think

the best

course of action would

be for you to plead guilty,

plea bargain to keep this

as quiet as possible,

and step down as chairman

of the Foundation.

Well, then,

you tell the boys

in the legal department

that they are

a bunch of dipshits,

because I am innocent.

Well, apparently,

the police have a videotape

of you committing the crime.

You, or one of those other

cadaverous bag-of-bone a-holes

sitting at that table,

better strap on

a goddamn piss-bag,

get down here

and get me out of here

or you're all

gonna be replaced!

You got it, Duane?

I'll buy this place and

have it burned to the ground.

Well, should we

call the governor?

He owes us one.

That would get him out.

Does anybody here

want him out?

(CLEARING THROAT)

Okay. How about this?

I will represent Nelson

with the help

of our dipshit department.

Super!

Case number 9741,

State of Illinois v.

Nelson Perth Biederman IV.

The Honorable Judge

Eva Fwae-Wan presiding.

"Just tell her

what you think"?

Just tell her

what you think.

Okay. Sh*t.

Permission to approach,

Your Honor.

FWAE-WAN:
What is it,

Mr. Biederman?

Look, I'm gonna be frank.

Off the record,

you knew my father.

I've assembled the finest

legal team that money can buy.

Those guys.

You got better things to do,

I got better things to do.

We both know

all I'm gonna get

is a slap on the old wrist

and a formal apology

and a case of champagne

from the governor.

Why don't

we all just try to

move this thing along

as quickly as possible?

Well, Mr. Biederman,

Rate this script:2.0 / 1 vote

Robert Ben Garant

Robert Ben Garant (born September 14, 1970) is an American screenwriter, producer, director, actor and comedian. He has a long professional relationship with Thomas Lennon, from their time on the seminal sketch-comedy show The State, the cop show spoof Reno 911!, and numerous screenwriting collaborations. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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