Laughter in Paradise Page #3

But good books... great books!

Yes... books that will live.

As you all know, our old friend Henry

scorned the use of a solicitor

in drawing up of his last will and testament...

So he called upon me, his oldest

and dearest friend, to help him.

It was a melancholy occasion.

- Because he knew that his...

- End...

Thank you.

He knew that his end was near.

With your permission,

I'll omit the preliminaries...

and merely read the essential...

- points.

Items.

Good idea... let's hear how much we get.

To each of you he has left the sum of 50,000.

But before you become

entitled to this money,

there are certain tasks

of a somewhat unusual nature

which must be carried out

by each of you.

I might have known it.

These tasks must be carried out

to the letter.

And may not be divulged, under any circumstances,

to anybody outside this room.

And each of you must take a solemn oath

to that effect.

Well, what are these ridiculous provisions?

I will now proceed to read them.

My sister, Agnes Russell...

who for many years has made life a purgatory

for those who she considers her inferiors...

shall, for a period of not less

than one calendar month...

and within one week

of the reading of this will...

obtain a post as a domestic servant

in a middle class home.

How dare he!

Should she for any reason whatsoever

be dismissed, or resign from this post...

before the end of this month

she shall forfeit her share in my fortune.

I shall contest the will!

I forgot to add, that if any one of you

contests the will...

the whole fortune for all of you

will be forfeited.

In that case, cousin Agnes

will not contest the will.

My second cousin, Capt. Deniston Russel

Royal Army Pay Corps, Retired...

whose hideous secret

I must now reveal to you...

has become a writer of penny-dreadfuls

in the worst possible taste and style.

How on earth did he find out?

You... a writer?!

And in the worst possible taste, too!

Are they a bit...?

Certainly not!

The gallant captain shall spend not less

and not more than 28 days...

in one of His Majesty's London prisons...

having been properly sentenced

for a genuine crime...

committed by himself within one week

of the reading of this will.

Should he fail in this endeavour,

he shall forfeit his share of my fortune.

Crime!?

Prison?

Oh, but I'm to be married in a fortnight.

And to the daughter of a magistrate.

Now, perhaps you'll marry her in prison!

My fourth cousin twice removed, Herbert Russell,

who has surely failed in the banking world

owing to his determination to be bullied...

shall with the aid of a mask and a toy pistol...

hold up his current bank manager in his own office...

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