Larry Gaye: Renegade Male Flight Attendant Page #2

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Thank you.

Gentlemen and ladies, what do

we spend the most money on?

- Passenger safety.

Stop it, Geddes, stop it!

This is serious.

Outside of equipment,

fuel and brass tacks,

our greatest operating expense

is service.

Flight attendants.

- Yes.

- Their union is strong,

their salaries keep rising.

Not to mention their benefits.

But what if I told you

there was a way

to completely eliminate

human flight attendants?

Even if we could, where

would you hide the bodies?

Oh, just asking.

Gentlemen, there is someone

I would like for you to meet.

Good morning, Miss McCoy.

Good morning, Sally.

Sally, may I have

a cup of coffee, please?

My pleasure.

Thank you, Sally.

Oh, this coffee is way too hot!

Oh.

I'm sorry, Miss McCoy. I'll find

some more coffee that's not so hot.

- What the...

- She's not real!

- Right, Sally?

- That's right, Miss McCoy.

My body is state-of-the-art

neoprene

stretched over a complex

electronic framework,

my brain is a powerful

microprocessor

capable of five billion

decisions per second

and my b*obs are a perky 34C.

This is amazing.

Go ahead, touch her. You'd

never know the difference.

- What?

- Touch her.

You mean, just... Wow!

I'm Nathan, by the way.

The pleasure's yours, Nathan.

That was incredible, all the

stuff you did back there.

I'm not sure "incredible"

is the right word.

I believe it's "uncredible."

I'm pretty sure

it's "incredible."

Let's agree not to disagree.

I don't think

that's the expression.

Are you disagreeing with me?

We just agreed not to.

You were saying?

They sure didn't teach us any of

that stuff at the training academy.

Yeah, that's why I never

listen to what they teach.

I make my own rules,

then I break 'em.

But if they're your own rules,

why do you have to break 'em?

- Well, I...

- Wouldn't it be easier

to make up different rules

that you didn't have to break?

- Not necessarily. -Or to not

make up any rules at all.

The point is, I'm a renegade.

Wait a minute.

You're Larry Gaye!

My first day and I get to fly

- with Larry Gaye?

- So cool.

My God, the stories, the women.

- Six Golden Coffee Pots!

You're a legend.

Relax. Look.

I know this may come as a shock,

but I'm just a human being.

I mean, if you cut me, I bleed.

If you pinch me, I cry.

If you pull my hair,

I scream like a little girl.

If you back an SUV

over my bare feet,

I'd likely go into shock.

The pain is so intense.

If you eliminate vitamins

B and D from my diet,

my skin turns a shade of taupe

you've never seen.

I can't breathe.

Hello.

Carry on, please.

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