Landline

until the sun comes up,

you know the kind?

- Ben and I spent

three hours at Blockbuster.

And, uh, we got "Curly Sue."

- Sexual.

- It's a good film.

[laughs]

In fact, it's really funny.

[laughs]

- Mr. Rubicky

Has got

a very small dicky

[both laugh]

[giggles]

He lost it

in his car

His dick has traveled

so far

[both giggle]

Go and kick him

in the nuts

He's a motherfucking putz

- Mm-hmm.

- That's--that's it.

That's all I have.

- That was the best song ever.

- Do you have

any perfume?

My mom's like

a drug-sniffing dog.

- Perfume. I don't think

dudes wear--

- Like, some of that

man spray.

- This stuff.

- Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

- Here we go.

- Okay. Spray me.

- Oh, okay. Right.

[spraying]

- Whoa, that's a lot.

[laughs]

I didn't want a lot.

Hi.

- Hey, there.

- Oh.

- Floor, please.

What is that?

You got schmutz all over here.

What is that?

Did you parallel park yet?

I'm very good at it,

so it should be

a cinch for you.

- Smells good.

- Don't get too excited.

It's leftovers.

- [sighs]

You know, when kids

in my class wore shoes like this

it meant they had polio.

- Yes, they do look

a little corrective.

- What did you do today?

- Crack.

- You know what I did?

I wrote beautiful copy

for fake Oreos.

- [laughs]

- Anyone for a Yum Yum?

- Aw, yeah.

- Honey, that stuff

will give you cancer.

- Guess what?

George offered to host a reading

of my play at his house.

- That's great, honey.

Plenty of booze, no food,

a bunch of self-righteous

Upper West Siders.

Hey, has anyone spoken

to Dana this week?

There is a sale at Kleinfeld's.

- Did they pick a date?

Because I bet

it's my birthday.

- No, not yet.

I was hoping the dress

would sort of get her excited.

- So you'll come

to the reading then?

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