Kristin's Christmas Past Page #3

How about in fifth grade?

You lied to your teacher,

and you told her that

your mother was deaf to keep her from

calling her when you hit Brian Cisneros

in the face with an umbrella.

Right?

Right.

Oh my God.

So...

You're me.

Grown-up Kris.

Kristin. You're gonna drop that

Kris-with-a-"y" stuff

ten minutes into college.

No, I won't. I love using the "y. "

I know you do. I remember it fondly.

So why do you think you're here?

I don't know.

Breakfast will be ready in five minutes.

I'll be right down. Shh!

Shut up! Can you hear me? Kristin Marie?

That means I want you dressed

and downstairs in five minutes.

I said okay.

You think I should hide?

I should hide, right?

No. No way. Babs is a hawk.

She will, like, smell you are something.

Uh, okay, I have to come

up with some kind of story.

Yes. For my mom.

Oh my God, I mean our mom.

Mom. Yeah.

Okay, first, we need to get

you out of those clothes.

And that makeup, or she will think

you're a prostitute.

Easy. Oh,

I am so sorry, sweetheart.

but the frozen yogurt machine in college

puts an end to the size two pants.

Okay, well, what size are you exactly?

This is a really hard

question to answer truthfully.

I'm an eight. That's the

exact same size as my mom.

Perfect. Just wait here.

Okay, wow.

Please, just pick something, quick.

I need to get downstairs.

No-no, wait for me.

No, you can't just

walk downstairs with me.

They will see you.

Okay, well, what am I supposed to do?

I mean, I can't just

jump out the window.

You have to jump out the window.

Ow!

You okay?

Ow! Oh, shoes.

I hate shoes.

Ow!

Ow!

Aah.

Okay, just go to the front door,

and ring the bell, and

I'll figure the rest out.

Okay.

Ow. I so should've

spent more time in pilates.

Ow. Ow.

Long time, no see.

9213 Evergreen.

Good morning.

I said five minutes. It's been ten.

Debby's not up yet.

That's not the point.

It's a family holiday.

We have a lot to do.

Kristin. Don't roll your eyes at me.

It's Krys, Mom, with a "y. "

It's too early for Jamie to be here.

Oh, let's see who it is.

Shall we?

Hello?

Hi.

Mrs. Cartwell, hi.

Mom, this is Kay. She...

is an NYU alum.

She is visiting a couple

of incoming students.

So she's sort of, like, my mentor.

And, uh...

Kay, this is my mother, Barbara.

Oh. You're recruiting on Christmas Eve?

Mom, come on.

I was supposed to go home tonight,

but there is a...

blizzard.

On the east coast.

Yeah, the airline said there might

not be any flights for... days,

so she was gonna visit a

student in Sherman Oaks,

but his family went to Big Bear,

so I wasn't gonna leave

her alone on Christmas

in her hotel room, right?

So you invited her here.

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