Kristin's Christmas Past Page #2

I just think it's time to grow up.

To start going home for Christmas

like normal people.

Please don't leave me

alone for Christmas.

No, I'm sorry, I cannot live

in the past anymore.

I have to go.

Merry Christmas.

Can I please have a bottle of champagne?

What is that?

No charge. Special gift for Christmas.

Seriously?

It's delicious. Please take it.

Ooh, yeah. Yeah. I will take it.

Thank you.

Merry Christmas.

Hey. Bean.

Oh, did you miss me, young man?

Yeah, well.

We're gonna celebrate

Christmas alone this year, Bean.

because Jamie's decided

to go home for Christmas

with some bobblehead model.

Yeah.

That is amazing.

Oh, Bean.

I'm sorry, but you can't have any.

At least you'd never

leave me to drink alone.

Yeah?

Oh, Bean.

I do this to myself.

I'm alone on Christmas.

And it's been so long I don't even know

how to fix it.

hanging mistletoe...

See the laughing eyes

That's really good.

I just wish

I could go home.

And the voices singing...

Who are you? And why are you in my bed?

Oh my God. Where did you come from?

Oh my God, baby Bean.

Don't touch my cat. How do you know

my cat's name?

Put my cat down. Baby Bean.

Oh my God, you are like one of those

addicted people who

crawls in the wrong window.

I'm not. Trust me.

Hey, stay away from me.

I promise you I'm not

one of those people.

Do not touch me,

or I will

dial 9-1-1.

Please don't do that. Give me one reason

I shouldn't.

Because I'm not a stranger.

I'm you. What?

Yeah. Um... Okay.

I said a good reason, you crazy lady.

What is this? Is this, like, 1997?

It's '96.

How do you not know what year it is?

And, seriously, how could you be me?

You are, like, old.

And wearing a Santa stripper outfit.

I am 34, that is not old.

And, look, I don't know why I'm here.

other than this is, like,

the world's worst hangover.

And this is some kind

of crazy fever dream.

But I am telling you

that I am you.

From the future.

Prove it.

Prove it?

Okay, I'll prove it.

Um...

This scar. You got it

when you were ten years old.

Dad got me that giant sled,

and I ran it right into a parked car.

I kept asking if I was gonna die.

You have been best friends with Jamie

since you were in first grade.

Jamie? Um.

Hold on, um...

Oh.

No, there's nothing in there.

Uh, no... Yes.

Wait. Oh, no, that's private.

How did you know that was there?

Seriously?

Nobody cares that you have

a crush on Bill Clinton.

I mean, just don't get

an internship in D.C.,

and you'll be fine.

This does not make any sense

in any way whatsoever. Oh!

You love Jerry Maguire.

You were totally obsessed

with the O.J. trial.

Everyone was obsessed

with that trial, not just me.

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