Krampus Page #2

Whoo!

Thank you, honey.

Thank you.

Oh, my goodness.

A holiday roast is a surprise.

Hemorrhoids are a surprise.

She is a goddamn nightmare.

What were you thinking?

Come on,

she's not that bad.

Oh.

She's not! Besides,

she tricked me, okay?

I thought we were just dropping

off gifts, and she came

to the door with a suitcase.

What was I supposed to do,

tell her she has to spend

Christmas by herself?

No, but at least you

could have warned me

when one of your mistakes

is gonna become my problem.

You think everything I do

is a mistake.

Well--

sorry. Look out. Look out.

Hey, honey.

Oh. Oh!

I think this

warhead's armed.

You're so stinky.

Okay, I'm gonna go change her.

Let's go this way.

Just set that up

wherever you want, t.

Uhh! The whole truck

smells like sh*t. Uhh!

So, what's for dinner?

That's my boy!

That's my boy!

It sure is.

I'm getting Howie junior

into game shape.

By the time he gets to

high school, he's gonna be the

biggest lineman in the state.

Did you ever spend any time

on the field, Tommy?

No, actually, I didn't

have time in my younger years.

I was in training mostly.

What were you training for?

Uh, army? Marines?

It was the eagle scouts.

Eagle scouts.

Now, eagle scouts, kids,

that's where you weave baskets

and help little old ladies

across the street.

Am I right?

No, no.

No, no, no. It was

actually quite a bit of,

uh, survival training.

So--

well, the only survival training

i need is my old smoke pole

and a big, fat box of buckshot

that I keep out in that truck.

A Shepherd has got to

protect his flock.

Honey, we said no gun talk

at the dinner table.

This family needs

a little gun talk,

whether it's

at the dinner table

or anywhere else.

Wow. Looks like Chrissy's

really enjoying my gravlax.

Careful, kids.

Remember that your aunt Sarah

likes everything to be clean

and perfect,

and that's why she makes so much

food that you can't pronounce.

Well, I just thought you guys

might like a break from macaroni

and cheese with hot dogs.

- Yeah, okay.

- Well, you were wrong.

And who doesn't make

a ham at Christmas?

What are you now, a Jew?

Maybe it's time

for dessert, hmm?

It's delicious, honey.

It's a little dry.

Okay. Well,

mine's delicious.

Well, I guess I should

have gotten your bird.

- Just say something nice.

- I'll say it when she gets

back if dessert's good.

Well, if you could

just do me a favor.

Tell him about Santa.

Just say something

nice about dessert.

Hey.

Maxi-pad. Hear what

happened to Santa?

No, Stevie.

What happened to Santa?

Heard it on the news.

His sleigh crashed

in the rockies.

Shattered both his legs.

Frostbite took care of his pain

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