Knocked Up Page #2

And now I'm sweating.

Okay, you want to...

You know what?

You want us to just come

and get you

when she gets here?

You want to head to

the green room for a minute?

Just chill out? Okay.

Yeah. That's a good idea.

Want us to bring you anything?

You want some water?

You want a cookie?

Cookie, yeah, cookie. Thanks.

Okay, we'll get you a cookie.

Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm pissed.

What do we got?

Chocolate chip?

Allison?

Yeah.

Jack and I need

to see you in his office.

Okay.

Thanks for coming in, Allison.

Well, we wanted

to talk to you today

because we had a little debate

on the conference call

with New York about you.

You... About me?

You were talking about me?

We were wondering

aloud to one another

whether or not you would

be good for on camera.

What'd you decide?

They... They decided

that they like you,

and they would like

to put you on camera.

Really?

I know.

I was so surprised, too.

Oh, my God.

This is the best news ever.

Thank you so much.

This is great!

Congratulations.

Thank you.

I'll take that smile

as a "Yes, I'll do it."

Absolutely. I'm so excited!

Oh, my God.

It's a lot of work. Can't wait

to see what happens.

It's gonna be tough.

Tough job.

About the work,

most immediately,

there's gonna be

some things that you're

gonna be able to get...

Okay.

...that other people

in the office don't get.

One of them, gym membership.

You want me to lose weight?

No, I don't

want you to lose weight.

No. We can't legally

ask you to do that.

We didn't say lose weight.

I might say tighten.

Tight.

A little tighter?

Just like toned and smaller.

Don't make everything smaller.

I don't want to

generalize that way.

Tighter.

We don't want you

to lose weight. We just

want you to be healthy.

Okay.

You know, by eating less.

We would just like it

if you go home

and step on a scale

and write down

how much you weigh

and subtract it by, like, 20.

Twenty.

And then weigh that much.

Just remember,

you've got it here,

you've got it here

and everybody's gonna

see you right there.

Yay! That's so exciting!

Oh, my God!

Hey!

Huh?

I got a promotion.

Oh, congratulations!

Thank you.

Hey, maybe you can

get your own place now.

Let's not get ahead

of ourselves.

Yay!

Let's go celebrate.

Okay. Let's do it.

Pete'll watch the kids?

Yeah!

We can watch

Taxicab Confessions.

What are you gonna do?

I don't know!

I'm so excited!

I walked in on him

masturbating one night.

Did he get the

deer-in-the-headlights look?

Did he freeze

or did he finish?

No, he tried to pretend

like he wasn't doing

anything under the covers.

Oh, no!

I buy these nice towels,

and he whacks off into them.

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