Kissing Jessica Stein Page #3

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- You're really gonna do this?.

- I've decided.

You've decided, orwas it that article

in New York Magazine last month?.

- I've decided.

- Mm-hmm.

I just think it's time,

you know?.

- It's the one thing

I haven't experienced.

- Ofrcourse it's time, sweetie.

You go on with your frisky self,

and don't let Mr. Fuddy-Duddy

piss on your parade.

- Thankyou.

- Mar?.

- Mm-hmm?.

- What is the problem?.

She is trying new things.

Sure. Today,

sexual preference.

- Tomorrow, Henna tattoos.

- Okay.

So, let's see.

OscarWilde is too flip.

Emily Dickinson is too trite.

It has to be just so.

Maybe George Eliot.

- Why do I have to have a quote again?.

- Well, let's see.

If it's brainy enough, it'll weed out

the real unwashed masses.

Andifrit's well chosen,

you come across as someone...

who understands the plight

ofyour prospective partner--

the plight of humanity.

And by couching that understanding

in the words ofra great writer,

you appear sophisticated,

but earnest.

- Grounded, but hopeful.

- Oh, my God!

Sweetie, you're gonna have more p*ssy

than you know what to do with.

- Here, take a look.

- Rilke?.

Rilke's very profound.

Here.

So the first thing you wanna do is say,

"For friendship or more."

Wait. Why?.

Because then you have access to

all the bi-curious straight girls.

Straight girls?

But Bas--

Trust me.

Virgin flesh?. Mangia.

Bring that.

Let's go.

"Professional E-E, U-W-S,

V-G-L, N-S, D-W-M,

seeking same."

- What could that mean?.

- I'm not reallyversed

in single scene acronyms, so--

- Oh. Listen to this one.

This guy used a quote.

- That is so cheesy.

"It is not inertia alone

that is responsible...

"for human relationships

repeating themselves.

It is shyness before--"

Blah, blah, blah, blah.

- This one stinks.

- Actually, I think it's Freud.

Rilke. Uh,

one ofthose, I think.

Oh. Sorry. Guess I should read on.

"But only someone--"

Does he, um,

describe himself?.

Esoteric quote man?.

Let's see.

Oh. That's

women seeking women.

You know what, guys?.

Um, I really have a lot ofwork to do.

- Would you mind terribly--

- No. No, no, no.

Thanks. Sorry.

- Jess? Charles can make it

tonight after all.

- Yeah.

- So you're gonna get to meet him.

- Oh, good.

That would be great.

Thanks.

- Hey,Joan, is it okay

if I bring a date tonight?.

- Oh.

- Sure. The more, the merrier.

- Great. I'll seeyou tonight.

You invited Josh?.

Ew!

[Telephone Ringing]

[Telephone Ringing]

[Helen Over Machine ]

Hey, it's Hel. Leave it at the beep.

[ Woman, Husky Voice ] Hi. My name's

Nan, and I'm calling aboutyour ad.

I'm looking fror someone

with a big heart, an open mind,

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