Kill Your Friends

Synopsis: An A&R man working at the height of the Britpop music craze goes to extremes in order to find his next hit.
Genre: Comedy, Crime, Music
Director(s): Owen Harris
Production: Altitude Film Entertainment
  1 nomination.
Rotten Tomatoes:
103 min

- No, I'm afraid he's not.

- OK, I'll call back later.

OK. Bye.

Did you listen to that EP I gave you?

Swedish band, The Lazies?

- I think they're really...

- Christ, I hate bands.

- Unfortunate career choice.

- Anyhow, it's on my pile.


- You look nice today.

- Thank you, Steven.

- Darren's here.

- Hey, boss.

Check this out.


That's limited edition.

Well, I hope they limited it

to their immediate fucking family.


Look at this.

18-year-old sensation Ellie Crush

nominated for three Brits.

Crush's A&R Manager, Tony Parker Hall,

says, 'We've spent two years developing Ellie.'

'The nominations reflect her talent and

all the hard work everyone at the label has put in.'


The bastard's magnanimous no less.

There's a lot of interest in that band.

Do me a favour.

Fucking Oasis rock up,

a couple of manc car thieves

with a Beatles songbook,

and now we all have to go finding an indie band?

Look, you haven't been here long,

Darren, so remember this.

Real people don't care about indie bands.

Real people put stone cladding and new

PVC double glazing on their council houses.

They buy four albums a year and

they want to hear all the fucking words,

and there are billions of the cunts.

So, come on, you're the scout.

Scout some proper hits.


- They're rough, but they could develop.

- Yeah, like a fucking tumour.

Darren, what is the meaning of life?

Sign good bands.

Make records you're proud of.

F*ck me.


Fucking great night, eh?

State of me when I woke up. Jesus.

I'll see you in business affairs.

Oi, come on.


Nothing important ever

got decided in a meeting.

What they are very good for, however,

is stitching up,

humiliating and belittling people.

Fat boy here you already know.

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John Niven

John Niven is a Scottish author and screenwriter. His books include Kill Your Friends, The Amateurs, and The Second Coming. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Kill Your Friends" STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 28 Nov. 2020. <>.

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