Kicking & Screaming Page #2

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I can't believe it.

W:

- What, you calling me a liar? I'll show you the receipt.

No, I-I'm talking

about Sam!

W- Why didn't you

just play him more?

He is going to

play more, Philly...

Yeah, for another team!

You... You... You care

about winning that much?

Look, Phil, I'm

not just coaching soccer.

I'm building men.

Okay, yeah.

Hey, hey, hey.

It's an impressive shot.

Sure.

But, you know,

I want Sam to have fun.

This isn't the big leagues.

For those who live between

Broadway and Grandville,

between the ages

of 10 and 12,

who are free

on Sundays and Tuesdays,

this is the big leagues.

But what about Sam?

Sam, you saw him out there

today. It breaks my heart.

At best,

he's a benchwarmer.

Wow! Oh!

Oh, Killer! Killer!

How did that happen?

Hey, Sam,

you wanna give us a minute?

Need a little adult time.

Uh-huh.

Of all the asinine things

my dad has done,

this is by far

the most asinine.

I mean, I know he's the

most competitive man in the world.

But this beats them all.

I'm angry.

I'm... I'm spitting angry!

I'm like a tornado of anger,

swirling about!

My heart rate is

dangerously high right now.

I'm glad it happened,

I...

What?

Yeah.

What do you mean?

Where did my wife go?

Are you a robot?

Are you a robot-woman?

I... I am not a robot.

Phil, honey, I know

this is upsetting, okay,

but you have to try to

find the positive in this.

It was unhealthy for Sam to

play on your dad's team.

Now he'll play

for the Tigers

And have some fun.

Okay, look,

you're too upset about this.

So, I'll tell him, okay?

No, no, no,

no, no, no, I...

I need to tell him.

Benchwarmer?

Boy, did that hurt my face.

Sammy?

Yeah?

Hey.

Hey.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

Internet dating?

No.

Mail-order bride?

No.

Just kidding.

Look, uh, I got some good news.

I got you put on a new team.

I'm not on the Gladiators

anymore?

No.

You're on the Tigers.

The Tigers?

Yeah.

They're in last place.

Yeah, but you're gonna get

more playing time.

Did Grandpa trade me?

No.

Yes, wait.

I'm happy this is happening.

This is a good thing.

You know, it doesn't seem

like a good thing,

but it's a good thing.

Trust me.

You do not wanna be

the kid

that's on the other end

of the bench.

You do not

want to be that kid.

'Cause I know that kid.

You don't wanna be him.

Okay.

You don't wanna be the kid

who has such suppressed rage

that his heart's about

to burst through his chest.

You don't wanna be the

kid that when he thinks about

what his dad did to him...

I know that kid. I know.

That kid lives right here

in this house!

Mom!

Oh.

Mom!

He doesn't know what to do.

He doesn't...

Ouch!

Phew.

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