Kevin Hart: Seriously Funny Page #2

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I was mad 'cause I didn't know

how to explain why I was mad.

You don't close your eyes till

your brain tells your body

to shut everything down.

I got a lot of fears, man.

I got a lot of fears

as a parent.

Let me tell you guys

one of my biggest fears.

One of my biggest fears is my

son growing up and being gay.

That's a fear.

Keep in mind I'm not homophobic.

I have nothing against

gay people. Be happy,

do what you wanna do.

But me being

a heterosexual male,

But me being

a heterosexual male,

if I can prevent my son

from being gay, I will.

Now with that being said,

I don't know

if I handled my son's

first gay moment correctly.

Every kid has a gay moment.

Okay? Every kid.

But when it happens,

you've got to nip it

in the bud.

You got to stop it right then.

"Hey, stop! That's gay!"

It's quick.

"No!"

I don't know if I handled

my son's situation right.

Okay? He's at

a birthday party, right?

My son's at a birthday party,

he's playing.

My son's at a birthday party,

he's playing.

You know when kids play,

they just play.

You don't know what

they're doing but they're

having a good time.

They're just doing

a bunch of stuff, right?

They're moving around.

I said, "okay, he's good."

I finished talking,

I turn back around to

check on my son again,

a little boy was grinding

on my son's ass.

He was like this.

I didn't know what to do.

I panicked.

I knocked them both down.

"Hey, what's going on here?

What kind of party is this?

Huh? What kind

of party is this?

What's going on here?"

This lady came out.

She was like,

"what are you doing?

They're kids, let them play."

She was like,

"what are you doing?

They're kids, let them play."

I said, "you show me another

kid getting f***ed in the ass

and I'll calm down."

My son had on corduroys.

That's why I had attitude.

I didn't see it,

I heard it.

All I heard was...

Brr brr brr.

"What the? Who the hell

is playing with cards?

What is that?

Is somebody shuffling cards?

They're too young

for spades here."

The thing

that pissed me off--

Here's what

pissed me off, man.

I was eating a buffalo wing

when it happened.

I was eating a buffalo wing

when it happened.

I should have dropped

the wing and ran over there,

but I licked

my fingers first.

I didn't mean it.

I said, "hey!

Boy!"

The black in me came out.

There's a lot of pressure

dealing with kids, man.

But I'm learning.

Here's one thing I've learned.

Here's why my patience

is getting better.

I'VE REALIZED THIS:

My kids are gonna

make mistakes.

The reason why--

When I was a kid

I made mistakes.

I did a lot

of stupid stuff as a child.

My blood's in them.

They're gonna follow suit.

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