Just Before I Go Page #2

Lucky, I was sleeping. She just

walked in, I swear. I don't know...

You're gonna wake her.

You never wake a sleep masturbator.

- What?

- I'll explain in the morning.

Didn't Zeke tell you

to deadbolt the door?

Okay, honey, beddie-bye time.

Come on.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, hey. Teddy, there's banana cream pie

in the fridge if you get hungry, okay?

- I'm good.

- I can't...

- Mom, I can't find any clean pants.

- Look in your closet.

- Sh*t!

- Oh... I'm sorry, honey.

- What?!

- For the love of Pete.

Yeah, it's been going on

for the past few years.

Every time someone sleeps over,

she sleepwalks in there,

starts rubbing her button, two minutes later

it sounds like a chick's hatching.

Is she seeing a doctor?

They gave her this Zoloft sh*t, but she

still does all the same crazy sleep stuff.

You should see the things she does

to me when she's sleeping.

She punches me, slaps me, kicks me.

She took a sh*t on my pillow

right next to my head.

I'm talking this giant rosebud,

like, inches from my eyebrows.

I'd kill to wake up and find her

knuckle-deep in her own p*ssy.

Jeez.

- I'm sorry, Luck.

- Well, f*** it.

Gonna see Mom today?

The Monte Carlo's at your disposal.

- I got something I gotta do first.

- Dude, you gotta see Mom.

Of course, yeah, I will.

I just... gotta do this thing first.

Good morning,

I'm looking for one of your old people.

- Edwina Lawrence.

- Friend or family?

Actually, I'm one of her former students.

She was my seventh grade teacher.

Oh, and you've come back

after all these years to visit.

- How sweet.

- Yeah.

42, 43... Oh, Shirley.

- Hello.

- F*** you.

Okay.

Mrs. Lawrence?

Mrs. Lawrence, it's Teddy.

Ted Morgan. From the seventh grade?

Are you stupid?!

How many times do I have to say it?

The numerator goes into the denominator.

Four. Four times!

Take your seat.

Go! Sit! What's wrong with you?!

I think some children

in this class know math, right?

You were pretty mean to me.

Actually, you were more

than just mean, you were cruel.

Probably the cruelest person

I've ever met.

I was popular before seventh grade.

I had friends.

You made me a joke.

You picked on me every day.

Why? I never did anything to you.

I was polite. I was an A student.

Jesus, my father had just died!

Why were you such a miserable

cocksucking b*tch?!

They took my dog Pepper because of you.

He was my best friend. They took him away

because of you. I never saw him again.

I flew 3,000 miles to tell you how you set

my life on the path to ruin

and this is funny to you?

Well, f*** you!

F*** you, you dried-up,

withered, douchebag.

F*** you and the giant tarantula

you rode in on!

You old clam!

What the f*** are you smiling about?!

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