Johnny Dangerously Page #2

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But don't try no fargin trick,

or you'll end up with your bells in a sling.

What a mouth on that guy.

Hey, kid.

Paper, mister?

Here you go.

- Here you are, sir.

- Thanks, kid.

Nobody move and nobody will get hurt.

All we want is Moronie's money.

Go ahead, kid.

You fargin, sneaky bastidge.

I'm gonna take your dwork.

I'm gonna nail it to the wall!

I'm gonna crush your boils

in a meat grinder!

I'm gonna cut off your arms

and shove them up your icehole!

Dirty sum in a batch!

My own club.

Mr. Dundee, watch out!

Stupid, lock the fargin door!

We got Dundee!

Get that lousy kid!

Get that sum in a batch.

Get him! It's only a fargin kid,

you fargin styheads!

Get him!

Give me a gun.

Give me a gun!

- Next shooter.

Kid's like a monkey.

Get him! It's only a fargin kid.

Kill him!

Hell of an anniversary, Lou.

I don't believe you guys!

Get him, or you're all fired!

No, no, no. Permesso.

Say your prayers, icehole.

Hold it.

Why you miserable corksucker.

I'm gonna get you for this.

Roman Moronie never forgets

a fargin face, kid. I'll get you.

- You okay, boss?

- Yeah, thanks to this kid...

...and this.

Thanks a lot, kid.

- From now on, you're my boy.

Yeah, you really live dangerously.

- By the way, what's your name?

- Johnny. Johnny...

Johnny Dangerously.

I should've never picked that name.

A name like that, you gotta live up to.

Act tough. Put up a front.

I got into a lot of fights.

- What's your last name?

- Binderhoff.

Great. Don't change that name

and you'll stay out of trouble.

Anyway, Mom's pancreas got better.

Things generally improved.

And I didn't have to work

for the Dundee gang.

I was your average,

poverty-stricken teenager...

...thinking about girls, my hair, girls.

Gee, Johnny, Ive never seen

anyone dance like that!

- Dr. Magnus, how's my mother?

- It's her thyroid, Johnny.

What's wrong with it?

We can't find it.

Gonna have to do a thyroid search.

- How much is that gonna cost?

- You're in luck. This week it's just $999.

$999?

Talk about bad luck.

There was only one place for me to go.

I joined the Jocko Dundee mob full time.

Jocko was still at war

with his old enemy, Roman Moronie.

The years didn't soften Moronie.

He continued to murder

the English language...

...and anyone who got in his way.

Moronie had a lot of rules for his gang.

Number one:
Never park in his space.

The Dundee gang was a lot more fun.

Sure we did illegal things, but we

never bothered the general public.

And every Christmas, Jocko returned

a little cash back to the community.

Every chance I got,

I returned to the old neighborhood.

They looked up to me

like I was a folk hero.

"I love Johnny" T-shirts.

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