Jimmy Carr Live Page #2

Synopsis: Jimmy's unique brand of humor demonstrates the observations he makes on life's taboos using witty one-liners and offensive put downs.
Director(s): Dominic Brigstocke
Actors: Jimmy Carr
 
IMDB:
8.0
NOT RATED
Year:
2004
75 min
1,181 Views


was trapped under a boulder.

He had to sever his hand

in order to walk to freedom.

Incredible story about human courage.

Did you all see that story?

l can't believe anyone saw it and

didn't ask themselves the question

Cos I think it does beg the question:

"Would I be able to do that?"

I gave it quite a lot of thought

and I think Yes I would be able to do that

What do I care

about an American's hand?

If it's life or death,

I'll cut his f***ing head off.

The other story that sort of

tickled me from America

Not quite as inspiring

I'll be absolutely honest with you

was the story of an English woman

and an American man.

This made the papers

earlier in the year

They were flying from JFK to London

Heathrow, never met each other before.

Flying at First Class.

They just knew each other for 8 hours

They were arrested

as they came in to land at Heathrow.

The reason They were arrested

because the lady was fellating the man.

It means sucking off.

As they came in to land, lady was

fellating the man. I prefer a boiled sweet.

l can't quite imagine how that happened.

Presumably at some point she turned to him

and said:
"My ears are popping.

"Have you got a boiled sweet?"

And he said, "No, but I've got an idea."

Now have we got anyone from around

the country? Is any one in from The North?

- (Several people shout)

- Quite a few of you.

I ask you What's the point of a

North-South divide if you don't police it?

It is the peculiarity of United Kingdom

People from Liverpool tend to think people

from Manchester are a bunch of c*nts.

And vice versa, people from Manchester

think people from Liverpool are c*nts.

When will they realise?

l should apologise. I've used the C-word

rather a lot so far this evening and.. umm

l know a lot of people specially ladies

find that a little bit offensive.

There is of course an

alternative to "c*nt".

l don't mean up the arse.

Are you all familiar with the phrase

"See you next Tuesday"?

It's the polite English way of saying the

C-word so as not to cause too much offence.

Although ironically I can't think

of too many situations

Where you wanna call someone a C*nt

but you don't wanna offend them

It's sort of what I like about it.

I'll have a bit of a sit-down.

I think..

Are you all right? Was this

the sort of thing you had in mind?

No. Right. OK. I'm f***ed.

Who's come the furthest? Has anyone

come like.. a long way.. from overseas?

- (Man) Canvey island.

- Canvey lsland?

l know Canvey island, so I know you've

not come a long way from your home,

you've just brought it with you.

Did you come with him?

No. Good.

Canvey Island's the furthest

anyone came. F*** you.

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Jimmy Carr

James Anthony Patrick Carr (born 15 September 1972) is a British stand-up comedian, presenter, writer, and actor who holds both British and Irish citizenship. He is known for his deadpan delivery, dark humour, and heckler interaction. Carr moved to a career in comedy in 2000.After becoming established as a stand-up comedian, Carr began to appear in a number of Channel 4 television shows, becoming the host of the panel show 8 Out of 10 Cats and also The Big Fat Quiz of the Year, a comedy panel show that airs each December to review the past year. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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