Jimmy Carr Live Page #2
- NOT RATED
- Year:
- 2004
- 75 min
- 1,181 Views
He had to sever his hand
in order to walk to freedom.
Incredible story about human courage.
Did you all see that story?
l can't believe anyone saw it and
didn't ask themselves the question
Cos I think it does beg the question:
"Would I be able to do that?"
I gave it quite a lot of thought
and I think Yes I would be able to do that
What do I care
about an American's hand?
If it's life or death,
I'll cut his f***ing head off.
tickled me from America
Not quite as inspiring
I'll be absolutely honest with you
was the story of an English woman
and an American man.
This made the papers
earlier in the year
They were flying from JFK to London
Heathrow, never met each other before.
Flying at First Class.
They just knew each other for 8 hours
They were arrested
as they came in to land at Heathrow.
The reason They were arrested
because the lady was fellating the man.
As they came in to land, lady was
fellating the man. I prefer a boiled sweet.
l can't quite imagine how that happened.
Presumably at some point she turned to him
and said:
"My ears are popping."Have you got a boiled sweet?"
And he said, "No, but I've got an idea."
Now have we got anyone from around
the country? Is any one in from The North?
- (Several people shout)
- Quite a few of you.
I ask you What's the point of a
North-South divide if you don't police it?
It is the peculiarity of United Kingdom
People from Liverpool tend to think people
from Manchester are a bunch of c*nts.
And vice versa, people from Manchester
think people from Liverpool are c*nts.
When will they realise?
l should apologise. I've used the C-word
rather a lot so far this evening and.. umm
l know a lot of people specially ladies
find that a little bit offensive.
There is of course an
alternative to "c*nt".
l don't mean up the arse.
Are you all familiar with the phrase
"See you next Tuesday"?
It's the polite English way of saying the
C-word so as not to cause too much offence.
Although ironically I can't think
of too many situations
Where you wanna call someone a C*nt
but you don't wanna offend them
It's sort of what I like about it.
I'll have a bit of a sit-down.
I think..
Are you all right? Was this
the sort of thing you had in mind?
No. Right. OK. I'm f***ed.
Who's come the furthest? Has anyone
come like.. a long way.. from overseas?
- (Man) Canvey island.
- Canvey lsland?
l know Canvey island, so I know you've
not come a long way from your home,
you've just brought it with you.
Did you come with him?
No. Good.
Canvey Island's the furthest
anyone came. F*** you.
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