Jim Jefferies: I Swear to God

Synopsis: Politically incorrect Australian comedian Jim Jefferies performs.
Director(s): John Moffitt
Production: Moffitt-Lee Productions
 
IMDB:
8.3
TV-MA
Year:
2009
58 min
175 Views


in the Bible.

That's God's book.

As far as I know,

the devil hasn't

brought out a book.

We don't know his side

of the argument, right?

If you ask me, if the devil

and God are having an argument,

the devil's being

a bigger fucking man.

'Cause God's just writing shit

about him,

and the devil's going,

"I'm not even gonna fucking

comment,

Let's- Let's think about this

rationally.

Right? Which isn't a good point

for the Christians,

rational thought.

Fire and brimstone

and eternal agony,

that's what hell's meant to be,

that's written in the Bible.

Now, God runs

the entire universe

except for one place

which is run by hell

and the devil,

and now, the devil

is his biggest enemy

and they don't get along

whatsoever, right?

Now, if you act bad

you go to hell, right?

Now, you've lied,

you've cheated, you've stolen,

you've been a prick

your entire life.

Why would the devil punish you?

You're one of his boys.

He's gotta fucking dig you.

That's where all the hookers

and drugs are gonna be,

I don't think they're gonna

make their way into heaven.

I don't think God's gonna

open the gate and go,

"Jimmy, you've been

such a good guy,

see this big-titted whore

with the line of coke on her?"

"Knock yourself out, son. "

What's meant to happen

when you die and go to heaven,

you see a big bright light,

you walk towards the light.

What's at the end of the light?

All your dead relatives.

Well, whoop-dee-fuckin-doo.

You ever spent a weekend

at your grandparents' house?

It's fucking shit.

If you're out there for an hour

you'll go,

"I wish that all me friends

would die. "

You'll be out there meeting

everybody,

"Hi, Aunt Neda.

How are you, Granddad?"

"Hello, Uncle

You-used-to-touch-me".

"How did you get up here?"

"Oh, that's right, you used to

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