Jerry Seinfeld: 'I'm Telling You for the Last Time' Page #3

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worked a little harder..."

I wouldn't have to do this.

It's all a tiny world on the airplane,

isn't it?

There's always that little tiny

table there, tiny computer,

little cramped seats, tiny food, tiny utensils,

tiny liquor bottles, tiny bathroom,

tiny sink, tiny mirror, tiny faucet.

So, there's a small problem,

there's gonna be a slight delay,

we're gonna be a little late.

I always go in the airplane's bathroom,

even if I don't have to go,

I gotta go in there.

It's nice. It's like your own

little apartment on the plane, isn't it?

You go in there, lock the door,

the light comes on after second.

It's like a little surprise party.

But I'm always impressed of

the amount of equipment

that they have in that place.

I mean it's little, but they got

tissues, towels, closets, compartments,

tiny slot for used razor blades.

They always have that.

Who is shaving on the plane?

And shaving so much they're

using up razor blades?

Is this what's happening?

What? Is the wolf man flying in there,

for Christ's sakes?

Who could shave that much?

So, I'm supposed to go to Florida

next week after we're done here.

That's where my older relatives live.

I don't really wanna go.

Florida...

A lot of old people down there.

You know, they live in those

minimum security prisons.

That's where they put all the old people.

What's with all the security there?

With the guard gate,

with that arm coming down,

the guy's got a uniform, guns...

Are the old people trying to escape?

Or, are people stealing old people?

What is the security problem?

I just can't drive around there.

You know how these old people drive...

They drive slow, they sit low.

That is their motto.

The state flag of Florida should be

just a steering wheel

with a hat and two knuckles on it.

And they left that turn signal on

since they left the house that morning.

That's a legal turn in Florida.

It's known as an eventual left.

You can signal this week,

turn any following year of your life.

What is that age that old people

reach when they decide

when they back out of their driveway,

they're not looking anymore.

You know how they do that?

They just go:

"Well, I'm old and I'm coming back."

"I survived. Let's see if you can."

One thing I like about being with my

older relatives is it makes me feel

like a kid again.

You know, they're feeding you.

You're trying to steal candy.

Candy was my whole life when I was a kid.

That was...

First ten years of my life,

I think the only clear thought I had

was:
"GET CANDY!"

That was it. Family, friends, school,

they were just obstacles in

they way of the candy.

I'm out for the candy here.

I'm just thinking: "Get candy! Get candy!"

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