Jayson Bend: Queen and Country

Synopsis: Jayson Bend, Royal Intelligence Ministry agent, teams up with his Swiss counterpart, Alec DeCoque, to stop the activation of a newly launched satellite that will turn Raymond Perdood, the billionaire owner of the largest global chain of hair salons, into the most powerful man in the world. This film combines both comedy and action in this James-Bond styled LGBT themed satire.
Genre: Action, Comedy, Sci-Fi
49 min

Return carriage.

Do you know why you're here?


Because you are the dregs.

Because you can't shoot and you can't march.

We get the dregs.

Well, your arses

will be glued to these seats

until you can touch-type like girls!

Your, Y-O-U-R, space...

arses, A-R-S-E-S, space,

will, W-I-L-L, space,

be, B-E, space,

glued, G-L-U-E...

What's your name, soldier?

Private Kitto, Sarge.

And why are you typing gibberish?

There's no point.

You'll see the point

if I put you on jankers.

It's all over, everything.

Ah. Armageddon. Atomic war.

- It's inevitable.

- I agree.

But while we're waiting,

learn to fucking type.

T-O-U-C-H, type, T-Y-P-E, space,

like, L-I-K-E,

girls, G-I-R-L-S!

Return carriage!

Oh, bother. Sergeant?

I think I made a mistake.

Okay, Henderson.

You're the clown of the class.

There's always one and it always ends badly.

Just trying to type like a girl,

like you said, Sarge.

And be proud.

Remember, if a pen

is mightier than the sword,

well, a typewriter can be

more terrible than a tank.

You will conduct

the instruction of these soldiers

according to the manual

and properly dressed, Sergeant Rohan.

Your top button is undone.

You will be arraigned

before the company commander.

What, for a button?

Yes, for a button!

For the want of a nail, a kingdom was lost.

Discipline. Wars are won and lost...

on buttons, sir?

Insolence will be appended to that charge.

Private Redmond, I instructed you

to remove these boxes.

Will you explain why they are still

present and cluttering up the office?

And you do not salute an NCO,

Private Redmond.

Out of respect to you,

Sergeant Major Bradley.

Spontaneous, like.

The boxes.

Excused lifting. Hernia.

I have a chitty from the doc.

Those boxes are empty, Redmond.


It's not the weight, Sergeant Major.

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