Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back Page #4

JAY:

What the f*** took you so long answering your damn door? You trying to talk another

girlfriend of yours into some of that gay-ass three-way action with your buddy?

HOLDEN:

No, I was just showering your mother's stink off me after I gave her a quick jump and

sent her home. But now that you mention it--

(to Bob)

Thanks, you know. You could've made the moral of that story you told me a bit more

clear.

Silent Bob shrugs.

HOLDEN:

So what brings you two dirt merchants to my neck of the woods?

JAY:

Oh, I'll tell you what our necks are doing in your woods--

Silent Bob holds up the Wizard article.

JAY:

Where's our motherfucking movie check?

HOLDEN:

You heard about that too, Hunh? Well, I've got nothing to do with it. That's Banky's

deal. He owns the property now. I signed my half of the Bluntman and Chronic right over

to him years ago.

JAY:

Why the f*** would you do a thing like that?

HOLDEN:

Because I'm almost thirty, for God's sake--why on earth would I want to keep writing

about characters whose central preoccupations are weed and dick and fart jokes? You

gotta grow, man. Don't you ever want more for yourself?

(off Silent Bob)

I know this poor, hapless sonovabitch does. I look in his doe eyes and I see a man crying

out, "When ,Lord? When the f*** can your servant ditch this foul-mouthed little

chucklehead to whom I am a constant victim of his folly, and who bombards me and

those around us with grade-A foolishness that prevents me from even getting to kiss a

girl? F***! When?!

Silent Bob nod like he's finally understood. Jay looks at him, hurt, and Bob tried to

downplay the comment's truth.

JAY:

I'm the chucklehead? F*** you--you're the dumb-ass who gave away his comic, and

now you ain't got no fat movie check neither.

HOLDEN:

When you're right, you're right. I wish I'd broken off a little piece for myself. Because if

the buzz is any indication, the movie's gonna make some huge bank.

JAY:

What buzz?

HOLDEN:

The Internet buzz.

JAY:

What the f*** is the Internet?

INT. OFFICE OF POTZER'S INC--LATER

Holden's at a computer terminal. Jay and Silent bob look over his shoulder.

HOLDEN:

The Internet is a communication device that allows people the world over to b*tch about

movies and share pornography with one another.

(off monitor)

Here's what we're looking for: "Movie PoopShoot.com"

JAY:

(to Bob)

"PoopChute." Yeaaahhh.

HOLDEN:

This is a site full of militant movie buffs: sad bastards who live in their parents'

basements, downloading scripts and trading what they believe to be inside info about

movies and actors they despise yet can't stop discussing. This is where you go if you

wanna hear frustrated would-be filmmakers mouth off with their two-bit, arm-chair-

director's opinions on how they all could've made a better Episode One.

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