Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back Page #3

JAY:

Hell yeah, b*tch.

(beat)

Wait a second--what money?

BRODIE:

The money from the movie, dumb-ass.

JAY:

What the f*** are you babbling about?

BRODIE:

(pulling a bagged-and-boarded issue down from the wall)

The Bluntman and Chronic movie.

(dawns on him)

Oh my God--don't tell me you have no idea there's a movie being made of the comic

you two were the basis for.

JAY:

What?! Since when?

BRODIE:

Goddamit, man--

(taps his wrist)

Here's the pulse, alright. And here's your finger--

(shoves his hand down the back of his pants)

--far from the pulse, jammed straight up your ass.

(extracts hand and extends it to Jay)

Say--would you like a chocolate covered pretzel?

Brodie leads them back to the counter.

BRODIE:

You see, kids, if you read Wizard, you'd know it's the top story this month. Check it out.

Brodie hands Jay and Silent Bob a copy of Wizard, opened to the headline: Snootchie

Bootchies! Bluntman and Chronic Get Big Screen Treatment! There are pictures of

HOLDEN MCNEIL AND BANKY EDWARDS, as well as drawings of Bluntman and

Chronic.

JAY:

When the f*** did this happen?!

BRODIE:

Well, after X-Men hit at the box office, all the studios started buying up every comic

property they could get their hands on. Miramax optioned Bluntman and Chronic.

JAY:

Miramax? I thought they only made classy flicks like The Piano and The Crying Game?

BRODIE:

Yeah, well once they made She's All That, everything went to hell. So you're saying you

haven't gotten a cut of the movie? Didn't Holden McNeil and Banky Edwards used to

pay you likeness rights for the comic book?

JAY:

We haven't seen a f***ing dime for no movie!

BRODIE:

Well boys, I'm no lawyer, but I think Holden and Banky owe you some of the proverbial

phat cash. I mean they're making a movie based on characters that are based on you and

Quiet Robert.

JAY:

It ain't me and Quiet Robert. It's a pair of stupid-ass superheroes that run around saying

"Snitchy-Nitchies" or something.

BRODIE:

I believe it "Snootchie Boochies." Regardless--you're getting screwed. If I was you

guys, I'd confront Holden McNeil and ask him for my movie check.

JAY:

Sh*t yeah. We gotsa get paid.

BRODIE:

And on that note, we cue the music.

Jay lays down a House bass beat. Brodie complements it with his own beat.

EXT. POTZER'S INC--DAY

Jay and Silent Bob mosey past the front door of the building and knock.

INT. POTZER'S INC--DAY

Holden McNeil, opens the door and smiles.

HOLDEN:

Well! I have been waiting years to do this.

(smiles)

Look at these morose motherfuckers right here. Smells like someone sh*t in their cereal.

Bunngg!

Jay and Silent Bob enter. Holden closes the door, following them.

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