Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa Page #3

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Doesn't surprise me.

So I need you to come

get Billy, like, from me.

Why are you shaking your head?

'Cause this is real

bad timing right now for me.

I'm having some problems

with my business right now.

- Okay.

- Oh, your business, huh?

What business is that?

I sell computers.

Sell... He couldn't sell

p*ssy on a troop train.

Oh, that's

a disgusting thing to say.

Okay, but that doesn't help.

That doesn't help.

You're right. You're right.

I'm sorry for insulting you.

Are you serious?

This is a disaster.

All right, Chuck.

If you can't come to Lincoln,

then I'll just bring him

to you in North Carolina.

No. 'Cause I don't have money

to take care of a kid.

My cousin, he just had

to take his baby girl,

and the state's paying

him $600 a month for free.

Are you sure you

want him to go to him?

- He's getting 600 bucks?

- A month.

Wait, what are they saying?

She's saying possibly he could

get money for keeping him.

I think I can

work something out.

I think that if Irving was to

bring him here to Raleigh,

I could take the kid.

And then if it

didn't work out...

600 bucks a month

will make it work for me.

So...

And that isn't guaranteed,

what she just said.

It's something

- you would have to investigate.

- No, no, it's guaranteed.

She's always right.

It's a done deal, man.

Drop him off.

All right,

2:
00 on Sunday.

2:
00 p.m. Sunday.

Great, man. Great. Great.

There goes like

half my inventory.

What a wonderful business

you have.

Okay. Chuck,

what's your last name?

Muskie.

- M-U-S-K-I-E.

- M... Okay.

D-O-U-C-H-E is

how you spell it.

Yeah. That's right.

F-A-G-O-T is your last name.

Your son's right here,

if you don't mind.

Bye, A-S-S-O-L-E.

Shitbird, dummy butt.

Let's just...

Let's just walk away.

Suck it.

"Suck it," that's nice.

Suck a bowl of d*cks.

Bye, Dad.

Bye, Billy!

Bye.

Hey, Billy, let me show you

what you're going to do

if somebody comes

at you with a knife.

Come here.

Have any of those baskets down

here that you have outside?

I don't think so.

You don't think so.

You don't know?

Don't interrupt,

grandpa, I'm busy.

So if a guy comes

at you with a knife...

You don't care about a sale?

Yeah, I care about a sale.

But I'm trying to teach my

grandson about knife fights.

And you keep

yapping. Jesus.

- Good attitude to have.

- Yeah, keep walking, gramps.

Okay, now, if a guy comes

at you in a knife fight.

Like, come at me,

I'll show you what you do.

That's all you gotta do.

You take it and you stick

it right in their thigh.

And then they

can't run after you.

You young ladies in the

market for a nice bed?

- No.

- Seventy-five dollars.

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