Jackass 3.5 Page #2

---

Sh*t!

F***ing sh*t!

F***!

F***ing a**holes.

F***.

-Who is that?

-Who is that?

-Dave.

-Dave England.

-That's so...

-F***.

Oh, my God.

This whole thing was

just a big, elaborate ruse

to get you on something slippery.

I heard the noise and I was like,

"Are you guys cool

with this, like, sound?"

-Yeah, I was thinking...

-And then, all of a sudden, I saw

-the camera, and I was like...

-I wasn't in the bit.

I wasn't around, and I'm like,

"If they see me not around,

they're gonna get suspicious."

Everything was obvious.

That's what I was worried about

not going too fast

'cause I didn't want you...

I don't want you to fall...

The joke's on you now, boy.

I actually deserve that.

So we have a dick rocket, and

we're gonna launch it into Bam's ass,

AKA Uranus.

-It's science.

-We've been waiting for years

for technology to catch up with us.

Finally, we've got this contraption.

We're gonna send this cock rocket

straight to Uranus.

-You ready?

-Are you ready?

Let's do it.

Three, two, one, blast off!

Don't point that thing at me.

Okay, so we didn't get quite up there,

but it happens to a lot of guys.

Doesn't it, Ryan?

Bam, you ready?

Three,

two,

one,

blast off!

Sh*t.

What's going on, Bam?

Now, they have a lighter dildo

which seems like it would be better,

but, no.

It means it's gonna go so much faster

into my ass,

and it's gonna not feel very great.

So, we had to switch c*cks.

Hopefully, this one will work.

It's a big, old cock.

Three,

two,

one,

blast off!

Did you like it?

F***, no.

One small step for man,

one giant leap for that sweet ass.

Jesus. You can't see sh*t

in these things.

Check it out.

Yeah.

This is the Magna-Goggles.

Oh, my God. Hold on.

-All right. Go.

-Okay.

Wait, let me aim you first.

Okay.

-All right.

-Yeah?

-Just go.

-Okay.

Go.

Go!

I'm sorry, bro

No you're not.

You ready to run a down and in pattern

about five yards out and across?

-Absolutely.

-All right. Give Preston a high five.

-Yes. All right.

-Come on.

These things suck.

Hut, hut!

F***!

-Where did that get you?

-Right in the nose.

Sh*t.

-You got this.

-I got this?

-Come on, Dunn.

-Yeah.

-Come on, Dunn.

-Let them have it.

Sh*t.

Wee Man is fun to dress up, period.

He just looks cute in anything

you put him in.

Preston, too.

This is Snow Tubing.

I f***ing kicked him in the face.

-Kicked him in the face?

-I kicked him in the face.

Kicked him right here.

Frosty, he's bleeding a little.

This just ain't Frosty's day. F***.

That's one dumb reindeer.

Dude, this is screwed up.

That was good.

Can you help me up?

I saw this bit on

America's Funniest Home Videos.

Two kids run at a tree

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes