Jackass: The Lost Tapes Page #2

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MAN 2:
Hey, Dunn, what's up?

WOMAN:
Oh, my God!

MAN 2:
Oh, my God!

Hey, my name's Chief Roberts,

and the only thing I love more

than messing around with horses

is messing around

with my cowboy friends.

(WHOOPlNG)

JOHNNY:
This is

the shockwave collar mike.

It's a fenceless dog collar,

and what happens is,

you put this around your neck,

and when you overstep the wire

boundaries, it administers a shock.

(SNlCKERlNG)

(BUZZlNG)

(EXCLAlMS lN PAlN)

JEFF:
Did it work?

JOHNNY:
Okay, come here.

(BUZZlNG)

(SCREAMlNG)

-Get it off. Get it off.

-JOHNNY:
(LAUGHlNG) Come here.

Now, Jeff and I and Pontius

have tried it out,

and we're going to convince Kosick

that this is a piece of audio equipment.

Unbeknownst to him,

he's gonna be shocked,

and probably pretty angry.

MAN:
Who should have the mike?

Who's gonna wear the mike?

I think Rick should wear it, because

Rick's gonna be the closest to you.

I think Rick's the...

JOHNNY:
I think you'll

have better sound.

JEFF:
Put the headphones on.

JOHNNY:
Yeah, put the headphones on.

-ls it really tight, though?

-It's tight, but it'll work better.

-Hold on.

-I don't hear nothing.

(BUZZlNG)

Stop it, now. Stop it. Stop it.

JEFF:
I'm sorry.

Don't do that. Don't do that.

JOHNNY:
Dude, that's an expensive...

That's an expensive piece of equipment.

-Stop. Stop. Stop.

-JOHNNY:
It's the PX-1.

Who wants some?

Knoxville?

-JOHNNY:
I had nothing to do with that.

-Yeah, right.

I really had nothing to do with that, Rick.

-That's bull...

-Nothing to do with that.

JOHNNY:
That was all Jeff's idea.

Your neck goes like this...

Like, just this crazy pain.

I don't wish upon any animal

to be wearing that stupid thing.

That's just pure torture.

Whoever invented it

should just be burned in hell.

-It's torture.

-MAN:
Are we out of here?

-What the...

-That one hurt.

MAN:
What's up, mister?

What's your name?

My name's Satan, and...

I don't even know what I'm doing here.

I should have stayed down in hell

where I belonged.

-Where are you now, Satan?

-I'm in California,

and there's a big problem with God here

in California. He's everywhere.

Keep God out of California.

Fire doesn't burn if you're already dead.

Keep God out of California.

Don't listen to these people.

They're liars. You might know of me

from that book that you read,

but those things

that were written about me aren't true.

For one thing,

God didn't invent circumcisions. I did.

Keep God out of California.

I'm not a bad guy.

All that stuff that they wrote about me

was a lie.

Jesus did not invent the circumcision.

I did. The devil himself.

Don't hate the player, hate the game.

I'm actually a pretty nice guy

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