It's Kind of a Funny Story Page #4

CRAIG:

Shoe laces?

MONICA:

We can’t take any chances.

Craig hands over his phone and watches as Monica seals itinside a plastic bag with his keys and shoelaces.

INT. THREE NORTH - EAST CORRIDOR

Smitty leads Craig (minus shoelaces) down the hall. Theypass several other PATIENTS, including a TWEAKED-OUT MANwearing an oversized Backstreet Boys t-shirt. He makes a

ZAPPING noise in Craig’s direction.

Smitty spots a woman in a professional skirt suitapproaching. She is DR. EDEN MINERVA (late 40s), the staffpsychiatrist.

SMITTY:

Hey, Dr. Minerva...

DR. MINERVA

Hey Smitty.

SMITTY:

This is our newest patient, CraigGilner.

DR. MINERVA

Hi Craig. How are you?

CRAIG:

Um... just, like... you know...

DR. MINERVA

You just get settled in. We’ll talk

later, okay? Nice to meet you, Craig.

Smitty and Craig continue down the hall, where a patient,

JIMMY, smiles to Craig. He has one tooth.

JIMMY:

Don’t worry, it’ll come to ya.

SMITTY:

Good morning, Jimmy.

Craig nervously steps past Jimmy.

CRAIG:

What was that about?

SMITTY:

Jimmy’s schizophrenic.

CRAIG:

Is there a place here for people morelike me?

SMITTY:

We have all kinds of patients here.

(calling O.S.)

Bobby, my man!

Camera TRACKS IN on BOBBY-- the same guy who sat next toCraig in the E.R. As he glides down the hall in SLOW-MOCraig gets a better look at him. No longer wearing doctors’scrubs, Bobby sports a well-worn grey wool sweater. His deep-

set eyes and rough edges betray a hard-lived past.

SMITTY:

How ‘bout a tour for our new friend,

Craig, here?

BOBBY:

Sure thing, babe.

SMITTY:

Bobby’ll show you around while we fixup your room. See you guys in a jiff.

Smitty splits and Craig follows Bobby.

BOBBY:

What’s a jiff?

CRAIG:

A jiff?

BOBBY:

This guy, Smitty, is always like, “Dothis in a jiff, that in a jiff.”

CRAIG:

I think it just means, like, a shortperiod of time.

Bobby doesn’t seem to care about Craig’s answer.

CRAIG:

So, is this like a mental ward?

BOBBY:

Not a ward, a hospital...

They turn a corner out of sight.

INT. DINING ROOM/REC ROOM

Bobby leads Craig into a large multi-purpose room, where tenor so PATIENTS are scattered about.

BOBBY:

We spend a lot of time in here. Rightthere you got your dining roomsituation; rec room area is over there.

They got a record player, buteverything’s scratched.

Craig notices a ping-pong table by the windows.

BOBBY:

Folks play table tennis sometimes. Did

they tell you about the points?

CRAIG:

For ping-pong?

BOBBY:

Some people call it ping-pong, but Ithink that trivializes the sport.

Craig nods.

BOBBY:

But I’m talking about the other points.

You need’m for privileges, like hangingin the rec room, trips to the giftshop, sh*t like that.

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