Inventing the Abbotts Page #4

INVENTING THE ABBOTTS - Rev. 2/16/96 10.

18 EXT. TEXACO GAS STATION (DOWNTOWN HALEY) - NEXT DAY 18

Lloyd Abbott pulls his (1957) Cadillac up to the pumps.

The DING-DING of the BELL HOSE summons Jacey. He wears a

Texaco uniform complete with bow tie and cap.

JACEY:

'Morning.

LLOYD:

Fill 'er up. Hi-test.

Jacey sets the pump nozzle on automatic and cleans thewindshield. Lloyd slips the ashtray out of the dash,

climbs out of the car, and empties the ashtray in thetrash can.

JACEY:

That was a nice party last night.

LLOYD:

You were there?

JACEY:

Yes, sir. Eleanor invited me.

LLOYD:

Did she? Didn't see you.

(slight beat)

You going to be an engineer likeyour dad was?

JACEY:

I want to be an architect.

LLOYD:

Hmmm... I guess some people caremore about having ideas that theydo about making money.

JACEY:

I care about making money.

Lloyd idly examines the mechanism on the ashtray thatenables it to slide in-and-out of the dash.

LLOYD:

That full suspension file draweryour dad invented is still inproduction, did you know that?

We'll ship thirty-maybe-fortythousand of those file cabinets

this year. Hell, that drawer putMidwest Steel Desk on the map.

JACEY:

Yes, sir. I know.

(CONTINUED)

11.

18 CONTINUED:
18

LLOYD:

An architect, huh?

The GAS NOZZLE CLICKS OFF, Jacey hangs up the nozzle, andreplaces the gas cap. Lloyd pulls out his wallet.

LLOYD:

You want some free advice?

Sure.

JACEY:

LLOYD:

Don't waste your life making otherpeople rich. Keep the change.

He hands Jacey a five-spot and gets into his car. Lloyddrives away in his Cadillac. Jacey crumbles the fivedollar bill into a ball. As he returns to the office he

catches his reflection in the mirror of the cigarettemachine. He frowns and pulls off his cap and bow tie.

A19 INT. BOATHOUSE (LAKE) - LATER THAT DAY A19

The abandoned boathouse is a dilapidated structuresituated on an isolated shore of the large lake. Dougstrikes a wooden match, shepherds the flame, leans over,

holds the match to his ass and lights a fart. The

amorphous blue flame flares and almost instantlydisappears as the gas is consumed. VICTOR, Doug'spartner in crime and best friend, is impressed. (Victoris fifteen, too.)

Jeez Louise!

VICTOR:

How'd you do that?

DOUG:

Intestinal gas -- produced bybacterial metabolism of food

residues in the colon. A mixture

of oxygen, hydrogen, carbondioxide, and methane. That's the

secret ingredient.

VICTOR:

What's so secret about it?

DOUG:

Not everyone can produce methane.

It's genetic, that means it'sinherited. There's a lot of

methane in my family.

(CONTINUED)

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