In Search of a Midnight Kiss

(# "Paradise with You"

by Hot Club of Downtown)

(man) The midnight kiss.

It's not just another kiss.

It's all the hope of romance of the year

culminating in just one moment.

And that overhyped kiss,

in which there is so much calling, texting,

IMing, planning, hurrying, drinking

to make happen,

is all set at a moment

when time itself takes center stage,

when you can feel the weight

of the year to come,

mixed with the loneliness and missed

opportunities of the years gone by.

For years,

I used to work at a video store,

and on New Year's, I would always deal

with what I thought were my people -

those broken-hearted souls that hated

the whole pageantry of the night,

the ones who wanted to quietly

and privately wallow in self-pity,

getting drunk on the fictional romance

and heartbreak of others.

That was me -

the lonely, hunkered-down type,

waiting for the night to blow over.

But some times are so low, you can

no longer follow that routine anymore.

(# "Paradise with You"

by Hot Club of Downtown continues)

(grunting)

- Oh, jeez, I'm sorry,

- God! I didn't know you guys were here,

- It's all right, Don't worry about it,

- I thought you guys were at Min's house,

Yeah, we got home early,

- Don't worry about it, It's OK, man,

- I'm really embarrassed,

Don't be, Everybody jerks off,

It's natural,

I had no idea you guys were even here,

We just got home at four, Don't even worry

about it, man, It's, uh, you know...

Hey, what the f*** is this?

No, i-i-it's...

Oh, f***!

- It's that Min?

- No, it's nothing!

I'll explain that in a second,

Just don't go in there,

- It looks just like her,

- No, it's not Min,

- Well, what is this?

- I'll explain in a second,

Hey, Min, get in here,

I need to ask you a question,

- No, no! Come on! Jacob...

- What is that? Is that you?

(Wilson) God! No, Jacob!

Come on, man!

- Is that you?

- No,

What do you mean? That's definitely you!

That's not you?

- No, that...

- Are you sure that's not you?

(Min) No, it's not,

- (Jacob) Positive?

- (Min) It's not me!

Just give it to me straight,

If that's you... It doesn't matter,

(arguing)

(# "Paradise with You"

by Hot Club of Downtown continues)

I'm a worthless piece of sh*t

that should just die and not be buried,

I can't even get a job in this town,

- You just need to get laid,

- I'm trying!

Hitting on the girl at the grocery store when

you buy your tub of Chunky Monkey?

You don't see it, You're not around,

I put myself out there,

All you've done is sit around, eat ice cream

and f***ing smoke bong after bong,

You haven't even looked for work, man,

If you just wanna sit there and stare

out the window and smoke your cigarettes,

jack off to pictures of my girlfriend

on New Year's, be my guest,

Jacob, leave him alone,

I thought it was sweet,

Oh, God,

You thought it was sweet

that he jacked off to pictures of you?

- I thought it was really flattering,

- You are the cutest thing in the world,

Oh, my God!

- Ohh, God, What is this?

- (giggles)

- We can give him some more material,

- Stop kissing me,

I'm gonna go check my email,

- Dude, quit!

- OK,

(man) Well, it's just the whole world

that I find depressing right now,

Just the wars and the lies

and Columbine and George Bush...

(Jacob) Columbine was ten years ago!

(man) I'm just saying,

there's so much hatred and violence,

(Jacob) If you really wanna meet

somebody pretty and cool, you can do that,

All you gotta do, my friend,

is put an ad up on the Craigslist,

I don't know, The whole online dating thing

is a little too pathetic for me,

(Jacob) It's not pathetic,

Everybody does it,

I have a MySpace page, Facebook,

Min does, too,

- That's different than Craigslist,

- You don't have time to do MySpace,

Craigslist is the only way,

Just look at it as research into the world,

You haven't written anything since

you've been here, Here, check this out,

Look at all these Ionely people,

All these women are online,

Honestly, if you try to go to a bar right now,

nobody's even gonna talk to you,

You have to say, "Hey, yeah, I'll send you

a message" in order for them to trust you,

If you don't do that,

it's just gonna be weird and creepy,

Hey, Min, don't you think he should do it?

Yeah, absolutely,

He should do it before it's too late,

(Jacob) Just type it,

Just write the damn thing,

This is humiliating,

(man) "Misanthrope seeks misanthrope.

"If you respond to this, you're not

the kind of woman I'd go out with.

"I guess I'm lonely, it's New Year's and I'm

willing to embarrass myself with this ad.

"My girlfriends over the years

have been intelligent and beautiful.

"In the end, they've all broken my heart.

"My friend says I have to have a photo,

so here it is, Wilson,"

Oh, yeah, that's good,

Very clever,

Sounds really good, OK,

All we have to do now is put up a photo

and put your number in,

Put our home phone number, I don't want

my cell phone ringing off the hook,

I can't believe we're inviting

total insanity into our house,

You're not gonna find it

sitting around the apartment,

We're gonna get robbed,

I'm gonna get raped,

All right, look,

It's all up on the world wide web now,

Now it's time to see

if you're really hot or not,

Your phone will ring off the hook, You'll

have 14-year-olds and grandmas calling,

Better be excited about this one,

(woman) No way

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