Iliza Shlesinger: Confirmed Kills Page #2
- TV-MA
- Year:
- 2016
- 77 min
- 317 Views
when I'm drunk for this simple fact.
In my group of friends, I'm the alpha.
I decide what we do. Obviously.
I pick the restaurants, I pick the bars,
mostly because no one cares,
but I am the decision-maker.
And what worries me is,
if I'm doing stupid sh*t when I'm drunk,
what hope do the sheep who I lead have...
[cheering and applause]
if that's my example?
So this is the story of one such night.
So, we were out the other night
and we were
sh*t-canned.
Like, the kind of drunk
where you can't even read.
[applause]
And then you realize it's because...
you're in China Town.
[laughter]
[cheering]
[applause]
[laughter]
Actually, you know you're f***ed up when
you're in China Town and you can read.
Ohhh!
- Ancient secrets, not so hidden. So...
- [laughter]
We're drunk and we're walking through
China Town and we walk into a bar.
I'm reticent to say that it's a club
because I'm 33,
but there was a dance floor, a DJ
and I had on a little body glitter, okay!
[laughter]
You're probably wondering,
"Why are you wearing body glitter?"
I will tell you, Chicago.
Because my date was late to pick me up.
Gentlemen!
[laughter]
You need to know this about women.
When we get ready,
we have a list of things we do
to reach our most attractive point.
There is an apex,
nay, a pinnacle of beauty...
that women reach
when they're getting ready.
And every minute you're late to get us
is one more minute
dicking with our makeup,
and we get incrementally uglier...
- [laughter]
- as time goes on.
[cheering and applause]
One time, my date was an hour late,
I grew a tail.
[laughter]
This guy was only 30 minutes late,
thank God.
He walks in, I'm on the ground,
there's caboodle shrapnel everywhere.
I've got a Wet N Wild lip gloss wand,
I'm like, "I'm a pretty girl!"
[laughter]
"Save yourself."
[laughter]
But what happens is, we have time,
so we start to add things,
doubt ourselves.
- That's where I found that glitter.
- [laughter]
"He's not here. [gasps] What's this?"
In hindsight, it wasn't body glitter,
it was straight-up craft glitter.
[laughter]
But I was like, "I'm gonna put it
on my face, make it dainty."
Do you ever feel that? Do you ever feel
that you can make something work?
Do you ever feel that
because you're not trashy,
you can pull off
doing something that's trashy?
[cheering]
You're like, "I can wear
fishnet stockings, I went to Stanford."
Like it's okay for some reason.
[laughter]
That's how I felt about that body glitter.
I was like, "I'll just do a little bit.
I'll do a classy amount.
I'm just gonna do a little bit."
Fun fact, you know what body glitter
Translation
Translate and read this script in other languages:
Select another language:
- - Select -
- 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
- 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
- Español (Spanish)
- Esperanto (Esperanto)
- 日本語 (Japanese)
- Português (Portuguese)
- Deutsch (German)
- العربية (Arabic)
- Français (French)
- Русский (Russian)
- ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
- 한국어 (Korean)
- עברית (Hebrew)
- Gaeilge (Irish)
- Українська (Ukrainian)
- اردو (Urdu)
- Magyar (Hungarian)
- मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
- Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Italiano (Italian)
- தமிழ் (Tamil)
- Türkçe (Turkish)
- తెలుగు (Telugu)
- ภาษาไทย (Thai)
- Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
- Čeština (Czech)
- Polski (Polish)
- Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Românește (Romanian)
- Nederlands (Dutch)
- Ελληνικά (Greek)
- Latinum (Latin)
- Svenska (Swedish)
- Dansk (Danish)
- Suomi (Finnish)
- فارسی (Persian)
- ייִדיש (Yiddish)
- հայերեն (Armenian)
- Norsk (Norwegian)
- English (English)
Citation
Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
Style:MLAChicagoAPA
"Iliza Shlesinger: Confirmed Kills" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Mar. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/iliza_shlesinger:_confirmed_kills_10640>.
Discuss this script with the community:
Report Comment
We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.
If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly.
Attachment
You need to be logged in to favorite.
Log In