If I Were You Page #2

If I just get brain damage

do you promise to hold

a pillow over my face? - Oh, my God!

I feel dizzy.

What's wrong?

I haven't eaten yet.

- I'm so sorry.

Do you want some grapes?

Oh, my God.

It's okay.

It's okay.

It's Paul. What do I do? - What?

Oh, you're asking me? - You're so wise...

Don't answer it.

- Hi. I'm sorry.

He wants to come over.

- I guess his wife isn't home after all.

What about your wife?

Yeah.

He says he doesn't

care what she thinks.

Well, then why doesn't he

just ask her for a divorce

instead of coming over here...

for...

You're so right.

Paul, I refuse

to see you again until you ask

your wife for a divorce.

That was smart, right?

Yeah. I hope so.

I've always been attracted

to older men.

I slept with my english

teacher when I was in Madrid.

And when I came here as an

au pair, the dads...

Well, the au pair thing

didn't work out.

But, just between you and I,

I'm not as young as I seem.

Oh, no. You couldn't be.

When Paul and I get married,

I don't want one of

those dead marriages, you know

where those couples have

nothing to talk about.

but what chores to do,

what TV show to watch.

I'm gonna have sex three

times a day until we die.

Jesus, three times a day.

How would you even find the time?

What do you do?

- I don't know.

How can you not

know what you do?

Well, really, I'm an actress.

But I haven't had a part in a

while, so I do temp work in offices.

That's how I met Paul.

I was taking some papers into his office.

The door was closed, so I

thought they'd gone out for lunch.

You know, I just opened the door,

and he was just there at his

desk, his head in his hands, crying.

He was crying?

Yeah, he was crying.

He told me later that he felt

like his life meant nothing,

like he might as well

be dead already.

Well, we all feel like that sometimes.

I mean, even I feel like that sometimes.

But do I screw the office temp? No. I-I...

I wake up every morning and I do the

laundry and I cook and I go to work

and I visit my mother, who doesn't

even remember who I am.

Okay, sometimes I... watch TV.

I talk about what groceries

I'm gonna buy.

But you're nothing,

nothing like Paul's wife.

You're so different.

You're so kind.

Your husband must love you so much.

No.

He doesn't.

Are you sure?

- Yeah.

Does he have affairs?

Yes. At least one.

Oh, my God. That's terrible.

Is it still going on?

- Yes.

Oh, sh*t.

Well, what are you gonna do?

You mean am I gonna go

buy a bottle of scotch

and drink it straight

from the bottle? No.

Am I gonna put a noose

around my neck? No.

Pills, I can get pills.

Women can always get pills.

And who cares if one day you just happen to

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