I Never Sang for My Father Page #2

they told me it was worth 4,000.

Whenever I go to see a doctor,

I always turn it around.

I don't want him to think

I'm rolling in money.

It's his favorite occupation,

getting that ring appraised.

That and telling everyone the

gruesome details of his life.

Now wait a minute.

I can't have anyone in.

Your father won't play

bridge or do anything.

Just wants to watch westerns on TV

and tell everyone the story of his life.

Well, people seem to be interested.

That story of your mother's funeral.

I don't remember that one.

Don't get him started.

He keeps telling everyone how he

wouldn't allow his father to come

to his mother's funeral.

Are you suggesting I should have let him?

I'm not saying... He'd run

out on us when we were kids.

Can you imagine going

around telling everyone

how he shoved his father

off the funeral coach?

And I'd do it again.

I was 10 years old.

He hadn't been around

to see us for over a year.

The four of us, living together

in a two-room tenement,

and suddenly he showed up at the funeral,

weeping, begging, drunk as usual.

I shoved him off.

I didn't see him again until years later,

when he was dying in Bellevue, of drink.

- What looks good to you?

- I haven't finished yet.

I went down to see him,

ask if he wanted anything.

He said he wanted an orange.

So I sent him in a half dozen oranges.

I would have sent more,

except I knew he was dying

and there was no point in just

sending oranges to the nurses.

The next morning he died.

Look at your menu, Father.

What looks good to you?

I don't feel like anything.

I have no appetite.

This is the way it's been.

Here we are.

Six to one.

Damn it!

But you always ask for a lemon peel.

But twisted over it, not dumped into it.

It's all right.

It's all right. Well...

To your smiling Irish eyes.

He hasn't changed a bit, has he?

I like to get a rise out of them.

If they kid with me,

I give them a good tip.

If not, straight 10 percent.

Now, what's the matter?

If you want to make a fool

of yourself, go right ahead.

It's lovely, dear.

Thank you.

I don't know how he can stand

listening to those

westerns hour after hour.

I think he always wanted to be a cowboy.

He won't listen to

the things I want to hear.

Down in Florida there was

only one TV in the lounge,

and he rode herd on it.

And then he'd go

to sleep in three minutes.

Still, he's a remarkable man.

Good old Mom.

What a shame that children

can't see their parents

when they're young

and courting and in love.

Gene!

Come and watch this one.

It's a real shoot-'em-up.

I'll be down in a minute, Dad.

Now, tell me about California.

Well, I liked it a lot.

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