I Melt with You Page #2

- That's him right there."

- "That's the guy!"

- Well, he was the guy.

- The cops f***in' bust me, and...

You weren't there.

I don't remember...

- Of course I was there! I ran off.

- You weren't f***in' there.

No, you weren't there.

- The doctor is in!

- Hey, Doc.

- He certainly is.

- Yes!

- What and how much?

- Enough to treat the illnesses at hand.

- Welcome, my friend.

- My man, Ron!

Look at him.

He's beautiful.

He can't afford a razor.

Someone get me a drink

while I urinate.

All right.

This is an announcement

for the transcendental run

The train now standing

leaves for higher planes

Due to a derailment,

there will be no other trains

So why not hop

on this one?

Hear the porter's

glad refrain...

So Amanda,

during her pregnancy,

is getting incredibly...

Nauseous.

- And what do you think it was from?

- Do tell! I'm dying to know.

- It was me.

- Of course it was.

It was my scent.

No, seriously.

Four months of her pregnancy,

I have to sleep

in the other room, okay?

But... but I have become

a professional masturbator.

- No, no, no...

- What the f*** is this sh*t?

What are we talking about?

I see you guys

once a f***in' year.

- It's my life.

- Doc...

how's the world of dating, pal?

- It is what it is.

- Oh, come on.

You sedate them, and then it's your

right and your privilege

to take what's

rightfully yours, correct?

- Oh, my God.

- I hope you're doing that.

Really.

Why don't you tell us about

what you told me about...

the 20-year-old woman?

Thanks, Richard.

I don't think I can stay here for this.

- Come on.

- Amongst friends.

I don't think I can stay here.

When you told me,

it just sounded like

you should f***ing

get it off your chest, you know.

- I mean, you...

- What?

It was a one-time-only

thing.

And the girl came in

late in the day.

She was pretty,

to say the least,

and it had been a while for me.

And I... used

anesthesia on her.

Yeah. Let's skip

to the part

where you sent

the receptionist home.

I did things.

I mean, I basically

lost control.

And looking back on it,

I really feel that

I shouldn't have...

Oh, you f***er! F*** you!

Alley-oop!

Slam dunk, motherf***er!

The man said childhood

It's in his childhood...

Hey, f***in' Scarface, how about

a little on this end of the table?

- Come on.

- It was out of control

I had the opinion

it was out of control

Oh, oh...

It was that girl Emily.

She lived in the house

next to us.

Yeah, yeah.

And who was the guy?

- It was Simon... Simon Tuller.

- No, no, no, it wasn't.

You know, I actually

f***ed Emily, just... and who else?

- Guilty as charged.

- I didn't.

- She gave me crabs.

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