I Love You Beth Cooper Page #3

Rich. don't call me Mrs. C.

l mean it.

Now get off the counter.

Oh.

Denis Petey Cooverman.

Iook at you.

You look so cute.

Super cute.

She doesn't mean that.

You look good.

You look cool.

Yeah.

You just might want to lower

the waist of those pants a little bit.

Oh. you're not wearing

those awful underpants.

Mom. God.

l gotta go along with your mom...

...on the lucky underpants. buddy.

What if you do get lucky?

Once she gets to the underpants.

they're a deal breaker.

They are not nice underpants.

He is not wearing those ratty things.

and he's not getting lucky.

Not on my watch.

So. how many people are you

expecting at this shin-dizzle?

-Oh. not too many.

-None.

Well. it wouldn't be a celebration

without champagne.

-Oh.

-Oh. ho. ho. That is negligent.

My dad used to give me

an occasional beer...

...but that was just to

get me to take a nap.

Well. one glass per guest.

And no one who drinks. drives.

And l know exactly how many

bottles are in the wine rack: 23.

Here's all of our numbers.

If an--

lf anybody's dead or on fire.

call 91 1 first.

What's the matter?

Bad advice?

l have to get my purse.

l'll meet you out front.

-Honey. have fun.

- Okay.

Not too much fun.

Not much danger

of that. Mrs. C.

-Bye. Mom!

-Bye. honey.

Denis. Iet me talk to you.

Okay. Iook. This is your

Iast summer before college.

That accelerated

medical program...

...isn't gonna leave time

for parties...

...so l want you to enjoy

this summer.

Okay. yeah. sure. no.

l'll try.

Get out there!

Do all those teen things you

haven't had a chance to do.

That's gonna be hard.

He hasn't done any of them.

You know. this whole teenager

coming-of-age thing. l mean...

...it's a relatively new construct.

They came up with it

in the '50s. so....

lt's okay just

to have fun sometimes.

Sometimes you just have to say.

''What the F.''

Curtis Armstrong. shy Busness.

Except he didn't say ''F.''

he said ''F***.''

You know what l mean.

Carpe dem.

l didn't know you were

such a movie buff. Mr. C.

Robin Williams in

Dead Poets Socety.

Yes. thank you. Thank you.

Rich. We know. It's good.

Come here. please.

There are condoms

in my bedside table.

Do you. like. know exactly

how many there are?

They are not toys.

-Yeah.

-Sure.

l think my dad wants us

to have sex.

-With each other?

-No.

Right.

She should really be here by now.

So your parents use condoms?

Not a topic for discussion.

Ever.

Okay. No. it's okay.

l won't.

l just. yeah. l mean. what.

do you think they're lubed? Or....

lncoming!

Go. go. go!

lt's the trinity.

So where's our boy

in uniform?

He's on our sh*t list.

One of his army buddies was

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