I Love You, Man Page #2

I mean, we're eight years apart.

Barely grew up together

in the same house.

This is ridiculous.

Why is it weird that I had girlfriends?

Nothing. We're just saying

you never really had a best friend, is all.

- Well, who's your best friend?

- I have two.

Hank Mardukas has been

my closest friend

since our first year at IBM.

- Best man at our wedding. Yeah.

- Yeah. Yeah, he was.

Talk to him two, three times a week

on the phone for 30 years now.

And then there's Robbie.

What's up?

- Robbie is your other best friend?

- Correct. And Hank Mardukas.

What the sh*t is he looking at?

Davis Dunn Realty,

how may I direct your call? Please hold.

Hold, please. Put him through to Tevin.

It's very close to downtown.

How close do you wanna be?

Thank you, sweetheart.

I can't get you that close.

'Cause the schools are terrible.

The skyscrapers were all lit up.

I got down on one knee.

She was totally surprised.

Well, I'm jealous, Peter,

'cause you never gave me a shot.

But you're gonna

make the best husband.

Stop it. Stop.

All right, you can continue now.

Morning, Trayce.

- Hey, Tevin.

- Hey, man.

What's so funny?

One of the guys

in my fantasy football league

just sent me a QuickTime.

It's a grandma riding a Sybian machine.

What's that?

It's one of those vibrating saddles

that women sit on to give them,

like, super intense orgasms.

Check it out.

- Damn!

- How sick is that?

It's very. That's very sick.

So awesome.

Hey. So, what up, dog?

How's that Ferrigno dealio coming?

It's coming good. Yeah. I'm getting

ready to show in a couple of weeks.

Great.

Dude, I'm just gonna throw this out there

because it's a big piece of house.

If you want a copilot on this,

I'd be happy to team up with you.

No, I know. I feel like I wanna

give myself the challenge

- and just see how it goes...

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- I appreciate the offer.

- No sweat.

Hey, anyway, you know,

my girlfriend and I...

Well, we had this very special evening

planned, and I...

She's a squirter! She's squirting!

Peter, we got a squirter!

Old Faithful!

Hello, fiance.

Hey, baby. I totally forgot.

It's my turn to host ladies' night.

No prob.

I have fencing practice, anyway.

I'll grab a beer with Gil and the boys

afterward. Hit them with the big news.

- Great! I gotta go. Love you.

- I love you, too.

Peter! Peter!

I'm sending it to you.

- No. I don't want it.

- You got it.

God!

Wait a minute, I didn't even click...

How does it... I didn't even click it on.

She's got a bush like a porcupine.

I don't wanna know anything

about her bush. Hi, Lynette.

- Suck it!

- Good bout, Gil. Sweet bout!

Good job.

Wow. Way to go, buddy.

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