I Give It a Year Page #2
- No.
No, no, I think we were both in love
with the idea of being in love.
You know, and we're at that age
where we're ready to find "the one".
And don't tell me, Josh,
didn't want to live that lie any more.
I picked up on it the moment you sat down.
Tricks of the trade.
You know, you can tell by the shoes.
No! Oh, Christ, no, no, no, no,
I'm completely straight.
Couldn't be less gay.
I mean, I don't even like...
touching my own penis.
Right, so were there terrible sexual problems?
Does he have tremendously niche desires?
Did he want to touch you here?
- Uh...
- Never with a pen.
Look, Nat's amazing, obviously.
She's wonderful.
And I think we both really want
to make this work.
But is it possible
that some people
just aren't supposed to be married?
Truthfully, there's just something
in our marriage
that hasn't quite...
- Clicked.
...jelled.
So? Was it like a dream?
Well, we ticked every wedding box.
Cake, sweaty uncles dancing to Queen.
People we thought were dead
flying in from Canada.
It was very wedding-y, right?
It was so romantic.
It was just like a Hugh Grant film.
- It was amazing, wasn't it?
- Mmm!
Did you like all the flowers?
We got the most...
I'm sorry,
but can we do this at lunch?
- Right. Absolutely, Helen.
- Thanks.
Ruthlessly efficient, as always.
We should not be talking about
- lace halter necks on company time.
- No.
- What's the story?
- While you were on your holiday,
I took the initiative
and I started gathering ideas for Guy Harrap.
He's taken over his father's
industrial solvent and bleach empire.
You weren't here, but he basically wants
to make solvents and bleach sexy.
- F*** off.
- (phone ringing)
(Josh over speaker) Is that
my dirty little slut of a wife?
Hey!
What are you doing?
Uh, middle of a meeting. What's up?
Maybe I'm just missing
the sexiest wife in the universe.
- Not working today?
- I've got writer's block.
I can't work out whether to call
my main character Ezra
- or David.
- Um, David.
I was at school with an Ezra who got expelled
for punching a swan in the throat.
Who said the second novel would be tricky?
Anything else?
No, no, no. I'll see you at three.
- Love...
- (dialling tone)
...you.
Sorry, that was my husband.
He has writer's block.
Did I mention that he was a writer, of books?
but I've never heard of him. (coughs)
Sorry, sorry.
You do realise you're not going
any faster than walking, don't you?
You've got all the superficial
trappings of a run
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"I Give It a Year" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Mar. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/i_give_it_a_year_10481>.
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