I Feel Pretty Page #2

is all that matters,

and you get

a picture of yourself

and you feel, like,

really good about it

and you hide your double chin,

you hide your acne,

and you hide your cellulite.

And then when the guy

meets you in person,

he's, like, so disappointed.

Or you take

a picture of yourself

where you feel like

it really looks like you.

And then

you check your profile

and no one is liking it

or clicking it or twitting it

or poking you.

And you didn't even want

to go out with this guy

in the first place.

But he's rejecting you,

and it's not fair,

and I'm sick of it.

Well...

You raise a lot

of interesting points, Renee.

And thank you

for that pep talk.

Yes, thank you.

JANE:
I feel like this is

exactly what we needed.

You guys are jerks.

Let's just take a fun picture.

- Yeah.

- Let's just do it.

- I'm a photo queen!

- Look at this face!

- Whoo!

- Okay.

(CAMERA CLICKS)

That's not good.

(CAMERA CLICKS)

We look like

we're being attacked, Viv.

- JANE:
That's bad.

- RENEE:
I look mid-poop.

It looks like you're, like,

having sex with me.

(CAMERA CONTINUES CLICKING)

- (GLASS CLANKING)

- Viv!

Okay...

Come on... And three.

VIVIAN:
And that's the one.

- (SIGHS)

- (BEEPING)

What the hell, Mason?

I spilled salad dressing

on myself.

God, look, I know this office

isn't the epicenter

of anything,

but once we stop

feeling compelled

to participate

in things like pants,

we've gone too far outside

the social contract.

We're in a crisis, Renee.

The server's down.

It's happened before,

it always

comes back online,

but not this time.

Oh, no... Wait, wait, wait.

How are we going to get

the web traffic reports

to Corporate

for their 11:
00 a.m.?

It's our only job

in this stupid office!

I'm already

printing out the reports,

and it's not stupid.

Maybe a little.

Either way, you can

leave our stupid office

in about 10 seconds.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

You think I'm going

to Lily LeClaire today?

(SCOFFING) Oh, no, I am not

going to Lily LeClaire.

I promise you that, okay.

- I did not shower.

- You never shower.

I never shower for work.

Okay, I shower at night.

When I shower is my business.

I'm not going there.

No, I'm wearing

bathing suit bottoms

'cause I have no clean undies.

I have

a Bed Bath and Beyond bag

for my purse. No!

Repeat after me.

I am brave.

- I am brave.

- I am blonde.

- I am blonde.

- And I got this.

And I got this.

- I am brave!

- I am brave!

- I am blonde!

- I am blonde!

- And I got this!

- And I got this!

I am brave!

(SCREAMING)

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

For Steve in Marketing.

Okay, great. I'll make sure

she gets them.

(GASPS)

Is that Avery LeClaire?

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