I, Madman Page #2

-So are you.

I hate her.

How about dinner?

We'll talk about her behind her back.

No, I can't. I have plans with Richard.

Getting serious?

Maybe.

Okay, we'll take one more couple.

Kelly and Martin, please.

-All right!

-We're off the hook!

Look at this.

We're not going to get to do our Cyrano.

I bought a new nose and everything.

Hi, it's Rich. Something came up here.

I pulled a narcotics stakeout.

I'm going to have to pass on dinner.

I'll try and stop by afterwards,

but if it's late, I'll call.

I miss you and I love you, honey. Goodbye.

Oh, Mona!

Hello, Anna. It's been a long time.

Stay away from me.

But I fixed it, Anna.

What do you mean?

Look. A clean slate.

And a fresh palate.

Jesus!

What are you doing?

I was just...

making a fire, and...

I heard a noise.

Yeah, I knocked. Honey,

you've got to keep your front door locked.

Something on the stove?

Yes.

I was making some tea.

Great.

You okay?

Yeah. Why?

I don't know.

You just seemed to be

away there for a while.

I'm sorry.

How much do you love me?

On a scale of 1 to 10?

Enough to cut off your ear?

No.

Yes. I don't know.

What kind of an idiotic question is that?

It's just this book I'm reading.

This guy, he's a poet.

He's a doctor, really,

but he sort of dropped out.

Anyway, he's madly in love

with this actress named Anna Templer.

She won't have anything to do with him

because she thinks he's really ugly.

She just can't get past it.

So, he cuts off his ear?

It's totally hopeless.

He's desperate to please her.

Then one night, he's been drinking heavily.

You'd have to be more than just insane

to have these thoughts.

He goes into his closet,

digging around for his old medical bag.

He finds it, takes it out, over to a mirror.

He pumps his face full of Novocaine,

and then, with his scalpel...

begins to slice away his features,

one by one.

And he's crazed with love!

So he slices off his face?

Great! The guy's never heard

of a candygram or flowers?

It's only a book, Richard.

It gives me the creeps.

Okay, we won't talk about it anymore.

You always get weird

when you read that sh*t.

If it'll make you feel any better...

first thing after breakfast...

I'll cut myself shaving.

Come here.

That's really sweet of you.

I stood in the shadow of an alley,

watching and waiting.

Watching and waiting for that special one.

It had to be a woman's. I knew that for sure.

Only she spends the time

caring and cultivating...

and combing the silken crown.

A downy frame around a painting

as beautiful as the portrait itself.

They were all out.

The jet-blacks.

The mousy browns.

The bleached blondes.

But none was right...

until Red came along.

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