How to Steal a Wife Page #2

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that you can't stay here?

So where am I supposed to live?

Well, I mean, how do I know.

No, I mean, that's it, they let me go, I...

I came home. I mean... this is my home...

Well yeah, yours, but what does that mean.

OK, fine, half mine.

So half yours. But still, Valdas, well you

can't live here, do you understand that?

I can live in my half.

Ramutis and I live here. Do

you understand that, Valdas?

So live in your half.

Come on, you're being ridiculous, I mean...

I don't get it...

Well good, so you can't

stay here, that's crazy.

So you live in your half

and I'll live in mine.

Well, fine, but... Here you go.

What? Thanks.

Where are you going to sleep?

Well... here, on the couch.

I'll stretch out and that's it.

Oh, this couch is really uncomfortable.

Can I ask the PE teacher a question?

I'm the principal.

Then listen to me, principal.

Have you ever been to prison?

What's all this now... why are you asking?

I'm asking you if you've

even been in prison.

No.

Well I have.

I know.

For 3 years.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

So when I was sent to prison, I was

put in a cell, you know where?

The one with murderers and killers.

But not the ones who kill when they're

free-the ones who kill in prison.

They're much worse.

There was one who killed

someone with a toothbrush.

First he jammed the toothbrush in the

guy's braces and pulled out his teeth,

and then he stabbed him in the neck.

And he killed a writer who used

to write letters to his wife.

And all the other guys in the cell used to

copy them because he wrote them so well.

So when he was killed, one of the guys realized that

his old lady wouldn't be getting any more letters.

So he killed the guy who killed the writer.

And he got so pissed that he took a mouse

that someone else had been raising in a

jar filled with little pieces of paper.

And he petted it so hard that

he squeezed it to death.

And there went the mouse.

That's it.

The mouse died.

And the guy whose mouse it

was says "Where's my mouse?"

And the other guy sticks

out his tongue at him.

So that guy hits him over the head with

the jar and cuts his tongue in half.

So that guy's got blood gushing

from his mouth, you know?

So you've got to do something

so they don't see.

So they grabbed his head and stuck it in a

mattress so as not to pollute the environment.

So he could bleed into cotton, you know?

So when I came, that was the

mattress they gave me, get it?

So that was the mattress I slept on.

So I'd lie there and I could

hear blood clotting, you know?

Are you done?

I kept thinking that maybe... maybe

he wanted to tell me something?

And now I'm done.

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