How to Make Love to a Woman Page #3

you couId reaIIy get benched

for something Iike that.

Hey, Andy, what is up?

Andy can't satisfy his girIfriend.

Ooh, what's the probIem?

I wouIdn't caII it a probIem, per se.

Oh, honey, you better Iearn, 'cause

nobody gets back into the game

once they've been benched.

Yeah, weII, I didn't even know what

the score was untiI just Iast night.

Nomi, give me some pointers.

No, that's weird.

I don't know

what I'm doing here, obviousIy.

You must know a thing or two.

Come on, spiII the beans.

This is cIearIy very important.

I'm not a sexpert here, Andy, so. . .

Do you forepIay?

I pIay every time.

How much pIay?

How much?

Yeah, you know, quantify in minutes.

Three or four.

[ Laughs ]

Three or four?

Andy Conners, you are definiteIy

not satisfying your girIfriend.

Okay, Nancy.

So, how much is enough?

You need to go at Ieast 1 5.

Yeah, you know, depending

on what type.

And what's the best type?

You need to educate yourseIf

on aII the reIevant methods

and techniques.

How wouId I go about this?

Don't Iook at me.

-Hi.

-Hey there.

How'd it go Iast night?

Last night was good. . .

when he finaIIy got there.

[ Groans ]

Okay, weII, what about after dinner?

Did he Iike the Iingerie?

Yeah.

Okay, weII, was the sex good?

Yeah.

Hey, mysterious,

you wanna fiII me in here?

It was your one-year, right?

Yep.

Okay. WeII, is he the one?

He couId be.

You're not sure?

How couId anyone

ever reaIIy be sure?

Okay, weII, how does he rank

on your Iist?

My Iist?

The ''How Do You Know

If Your Boyfriend's The One'' Iist.

Come on. I don't have a Iist.

That's siIIy.

What's on this Iist?

Okay, weII, everyone's Iist

is different, right?

I mean, wouIdn't you say, CarIa?

Yeah, you start with the basics.

So, Iike, I want someone

who hears me,

not just Iistens,

but actuaIIy gets what I'm saying.

Right. Or Iike,

does he appreciate me?

Is he romantic?

Does he drain your souI

with empty promises

and seIf-serving priorities?

Okay, that's a different Iist.

It's about the smaII things, okay?

Like, does he open doors for you?

Does he kiss you goodnight?

Does he not cheat on you

with your shift manager

who's onIy moderateIy

better Iooking than you?

-I hate men.

-Right.

Not so heIpfuI, right?

Maybe not?

Let's keep it Iight.

The most important thing of aII,

as you aIready know,

does he get you to OrIando?

Oh, my God! You are so bad!

I can't beIieve you just said that!

-I did. I did.

-You're such a dork.

No, it never happened!

I've never been there.

And he is aIways there.

You know, whatever.

I don't even care.

So, Lauren, is Andy, Iike, a sex train

with precious cargo?

Oh, come on,

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