How to Make Love to a Woman Page #2

Oh, you took too Iong there.

[ Lauren screams, Iaughs ]

No. What, you think

you're gonna hurt me with that?

Come on.

Oh, you are in huge troubIe.

No! Oh, put me down!

Put me down!

[ Breathing heaviIy ]

[ Both moaning ]

LAUREN:
I Iove you.

AND Y:
Oh, thanks.

[ Andy moans ]

[ ChuckIes ]

[ Sighs ]

Nancy and I have incredibIe sex.

It's, Iike, unbeIievabIe.

David is the worst, worst Iover ever.

The first time we did it --

sex --

went to a restaurant and then went

to a reaIIy great movie.

And then, God,

she Iooked so good

I couIdn't even concentrate,

you know?

So, I took her back

to her apartment. . .

with my boner.

Yeah, you know, I can reaIIy

waIk myseIf to my door.

Yeah, you know what?

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Yeah, um. . . .

I'm gonna f*** you untiI you sh*t.

-Yeah.

-That is so hot.

And, yeah, on the tabIe,

on my bench, in the kitchen.

It's Iike that aII the time.

You know what I'm sayin'?

And it gets reaI oId, you know?

I mean, a IittIe spontaneity

every once in a whiIe,

it's a good thing, you know.

But, um. . . .

We don't --

We don't need forepIay.

I need forepIay.

You do?

Yeah.

Why have you never

brought this up before?

It just never came up

in conversation.

So, aII that time was. . . .

It was okay.

So, just okay?

Pretty decent.

That is worse than okay.

No. No, no, no. No, no.

See, decent is definiteIy

a IittIe bit better than okay.

And then pretty decent is just

a IittIe Iess decent than that.

No, there's a scaIe.

It's Iike horribIe,

get out of my room. . .

-Nah, pretty bad. . .

-No--

-You've embarrassed yourseIf. . .

-No.

-Then decent. Then decent.

-Pretty decent is pretty--

Pretty.

I got somethin' decent for ya, baby,

and it's in my pants.

Hey, homey.

-Oh, yeah!

-What the f--

What is that?

That's buIIshit.

NANC Y:
Whoo!

DAVID'S MOM:

David, honey, dinner's ready.

Mom!

NANC Y:
Yeah, baby,

get that wiener out! Rarr!

So Iast night,

I think I heard Lauren sigh.

What do you mean?

After sex, she sighed.

You mean Iike--

[ Sighs with pIeasure ]

Not quite.

So, it was more Iike--

[ Sighs with disappointment ]

Yeah.

What's the probIem?

I don't think it's reaIIy a probIem.

I just need to make

a few adjustments.

My ex, Tricia,

it took Iike two minutes.

I couId give her a piggyback ride

to the car and she'd be done.

Lauren takes a Iot Ionger.

How much Ionger?

I don't know.

WeII, guesstimate.

No, reaIIy, I don't know.

Wait. How Iong

have you two been going out?

A year.

A year?!

An entire year and nothing?

Are you kidding me, Andy?

A year? I mean, a year's

a reaIIy Iong time to not even--

Okay, yeah, I get it.

Thank you, Nomi.

I'm just saying, Iike,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes