How To Lose Friends & Alienate People Page #3

And in about a year,

maybe longer,

You'll discover a secret doorway,

at the back of the first room,

That leads to the 2nd.

And in time, if you're lucky,

you'll discover...

another doorway in the back of the

There are 7 rooms, altogether.

You are in the 1st.

I'm in the 7th.

Don't you forget it.

Can I use the bathroom in the 7th,

cause the one in the 1st really smells.

Which leads us to the subject

of your sense of humor.

I had a look through

your magazine here.

Oh, what did you think?

Oh, it was kind of snarky...

and bitter... and witless.

I'm gonna try you out in

the "I Spy" section.

You're going to report

to Lawrence Maddox.

Plausibly, I know we've only just met,

already I perceive I'm in the presence

of a rare common sensibility.

Oh, thanks.

Harding is going to be your Rabbi,

show you the ropes.

Oh, Mr Maddox.

Are you aware of what

we do at "I Spy"?

You photograph famous people

when they're drunk.

"I Spy" is the nation's

window to high society.

The Lookie Loo's read us because...

they weren't there.

The glitterati read us because

we tell them they were there.

For the system to work,

we have to know what "there" is.

So when we go out to clubs and stuff,

is that on expenses?

This isn't a vacation, it's a vocation.

And when we do go out, you're going to

have to wear something more suitable.

What do you mean by suitable?

Something that covers all this up.

Is that Mussolini?

No Sydney, it's Richard Heywood,

owner of this magazine.

Who's this funny looking kid,

is that his son,

It's his daughter.

Elizabeth.

And my wife.

Really?

She's very... she's got...

I mean babies are all like Mussolini.

Miss Olsen takes care of book launchings,

gallery openings and other intellectual fare.

Ms Olsen will you find our new

rookie something to do?

I hear the Cultural Editor's

job is up for grabs.

Seeing I'm going to be sitting

just there, don't you think we

should put last night behind us?

No, now get off my desk.

Yeah, but...

I don't really know what

I'm supposed to be doing.

Are you gonna help me out?

Sure, which way did you come in?

Here, Chris Blick exhibition opening.

Caption it.

Now get out off my desk.

Hi.

Oh, hi Ingrid.

Aren't you going to introduce us?

This is Clark Baxter.

It's Sidney actually, Sidney Young.

Clark Baxter is my alias.

He's English.

Oh, right.

Hello.

Is that the Parsons Gallery.

Yes it is, this is

Celia Parsons speaking.

Hi, this is Sidney Young

from Sharp's magazine.

We're running some photographs from your

opening of the Chris Blick exhibition,

And I've been asked to caption them...

I was wondering if you could help

me to identify a few people.

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